Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“Iron-Hand Mander
Shows The Way Forward”
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Sunday 14th
July 2002 |
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Result: Lost by 140 Runs |
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Venue: Jordan Hill |
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40 overs |
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OUP |
208 ao |
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B. Mander 4 - 32,
E. Lester 3 - 30 |
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FFTMCCC |
68 ao |
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B. Mander 29 |
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In his well-known study on the effects of possible technological
advances on the cricket of the future (The Effects of Possible Technological
Advances on the Cricket of the Future, R. F. Portlewalte, Knootwithe Press,
2001), R. F. Portlewalte speculates on the expected eventual widespread use
of prosthetic aids and devices among players, both to extend the range and
scope of existing skillbases, and to facilitate the development of new match
skills that might well change the very nature of the game itself to some degree,
more or less. Hats off then to Madster B. Mander for anticipating future
trends and once again placing Far From The Madding Crowd at the vanguard of
cricket research and development.
Mander’s new stainless
steel hand (with fleshtone covering) has proved invaluable in recent weeks
for the Mad - firstly against the Lemmings, and more recently, in last week’s
game against OUP. Twice, off his own bowling, opposing batsmen have hit
scorching straight drives back down the pitch at waist height, and twice the
stainless steel hand has come into play, plucking the ball from the air,
where a normal human flesh extension would surely have been shattered by the
force and turned to a bloody pulp of crushed bones and jellied flesh.
Amazingly, subsequent examination of the ‘hand’ by independent bystanders
revealed no ill effects or damage whatsoever, and in each case Mander was
able to continue bowling to the same high level. A clever addition, then, to
the Madsters’ armoury of innovations, which also unscrews to double as a
useful paperweight or ashtray. * * * With only eight players fronting up to face a formidable OUP side, it
was always going to be an uphill struggle for the battling Mad, who in recent
weeks had been soundly beaten by both the Lemmings and, irksomely, the
Bodleian. Stalwart Mad captain M. Bullock lost the toss and elected to be
told to field, but despite the disheartening shortage of fielders, A. Mann
(1-21) and S. Dobner (0-26) did well to keep early runs to a minimum, and it
was Dobner’s fingertip run-out that saw the first OUP wicket fall. Certainly,
OUP’s middle order soon took control, but the final total of 208 could have
been worse. J. Hotson (1-40) took a wicket, and a spirited Mad comeback saw
B. Mander (4-32) and E. Lester (3-30) bring the OUP innings to a close in the
40th over, and the Mad went to tea brimming with hope, that a tornado would
sweep in from the west and turn
Several Mad batsmen would
achieve duck status on this day. B. Mander’s 8-over spell was perhaps the best of his Mad career, with
the young Iron-Hand coaxing zip and zing from the wicket, firing down zooters
and zippers, shooters, skimmers, skippers, scudders, dinkers, dunkers,
strippers and nuggets, one after the other to the dismay and demise of the
OUP batsmen, three of whom hit catches straight into the accepting belly of
A. Mann in the covers. Mention also to E. Lester, who had his sliders working
to perfection, and who must surely now have put the last twelve months in the
bowling wilderness behind him. As it was, there was no tornado to save the Mad from an
all-too-common batting display, and with only eight lambs to be slaughtered,
resistance at the crease was sporadic at best. A. Mann contributed his usual
7, A. Mander (4) and M. Bullock (5) troubled a frustrated scorer, and E.
Lester (0), D. Jones (0) and J. Hotson (0) all tallied zero (see brackets).
Only Iron-Hand Mander, Mad Man of the Match, stood up to be counted, and his
flurrisome 29 restored a modicum of pride to an otherwise eggy scorecard. S.
Dobner (5) remained cool and not out. With the rest of the season
still to come, and previous games already gone, it remains only for the Mad
to be where they are. ‘Blocker’
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