Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Captain Denies Beckham Rumours

As Mad Sweep Part Way To Victory”

 

 

Sunday 15th June 2003

Result:  Lost by 124 Runs

Venue:  Horspath

35 overs

Wootton & Bladon

211 - 9

A. Mann  3 - 23,  D. Jones  2 - 23

FFTMCCC

87 ao

N. Hebbes  24

 

 

 

After a tense and fascinating game against Wootton & Bladon which saw home team The Mad claw and nurdle their way to almost half the runs required for victory, Mad Captain J. Hoskins was quick to deny any rumours that England captain and footballing hero David Beckham might be on his way from Real Madrid to Far From The Madding Crowd. "There’s no truth in any of it," said Hoskins to the assembled crowd of young thugs in Beckham shirts who had invaded the pitch at the end of the game, drawn to the pub cricket clash by the rumours of the dead-ball specialist’s imminent arrival at the Horspath ground. "The rumours are false. We are not signing David Beckham, nor did we ever intend to. Despite his drawing power and ability with the stationary ball from just outside the box, we feel that Beckham has only a few years left at the very top level. And in any case, we don’t see how an inspirational midfield genius would fit into our team at present. You young thugs and louts, go home, go back to your estate and steal some hubcaps or accost some old people!"

 

 

The peaceful surroundings at Horspath playing fields.

 

Losing the toss on a blisteringly hot Horspath afternoon, J. Hoskins took his eager team into the field, and the village visitors were soon under the cosh. A. Mann (3-23) took two wickets in two balls, missing out on a hat-rick by a mere wicket, and S. Hebbes (1-26) was left needing only another two in succession to secure his. At 10-3, Wootton & Bladon could have been forgiven for thinking they were in trouble, but a quick-fire partnership of 120 saw them assume control and push their disadvantage home. M. Westmoreland took a spectacular running catch on the boundary, and S. Dobner plucked a high top-edge from the hands of stand-in keeper J. Hoskins and stand-in keeper T. Smith as a three-way collision was cleverly avoided, but by then the damage had been done. S. Dobner (0-58), M. Westmoreland (0-45) and a luckless J. Hoskins (1-34) were all punished in the heat, and only the unanticipated late arrival of D. Jones (2-23) wearing attractive knee-length shorts saw the total restricted to 211. J. Hoskins and A. Mann both effected run-outs, but generally speaking, the running between the wickets of the Wootton & Bladon batsmen was a lesson for all, giving the impression as it did that they were actually trying to improve their score.

 


The Mad chase towards nearly half the required total began well, with a quick 17 posted before M. Westmoreland (6) succumbed. Top-scorer N. Hebbes (24) could only look on as the habitual collapse ensued. G. Bridges (0) and E. Lester (2) departed in the same over, and S. Dobner (6), B. Mander (5) and T. Smith (3) soon followed. It was left to the tail to briefly wag, as D. Jones (12) confounded his critics with an intoxicating display of wild but attractive hitting, while A. Mann (9 n.o.) briefly rediscovered the middle of the bat. When J. Hoskins (4) fell to an inside edge, even as scrawny hooligans invaded the pitch on their journeys into yobbishness and petty crime before finally settling down in their mid-twenties and leading productive lives in dead-end jobs, nearly half the needed total had been successfully reached. Hurrah!!!

 

 

‘Blocker’

 

 

 

 

 

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Statto's Scorecard

 

 

 

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