Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“Victory Is Fat For
Jubilant Mad
As Wootton Stumble”
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Sunday 22nd
August 2004 |
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Result: Won by 3 Runs |
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Venue: Wootton & Bladon |
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35 overs |
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FFTMCCC |
150 ao |
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I. Howarth 95 |
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Wootton & Bladon |
147 ao |
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A. Fisher 3 - 26 |
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An ecstatic Far From The MCC were last night
celebrating a close and hard-fought first win of the year over tough rivals
Wootton & Bladon at the village team’s home ground, yet some among the
Mad thought the welcome victory was anything but slim. Said Mad skipper J.
Hoskins after the game, “The margin may have been a mere three runs, but as
far as I’m concerned today’s victory is the fattest of the year. This win is
a tub of lard, nothing more, nothing less.” Indeed many were struck by the
game’s overall fatness, swaying as it did from one side to the other,
evincing many a wobble, and at last ending in a glut of excitement.
Ultimately, the game was so fat that, looking down from a lofty height, it
could not see its own tiny member swinging freely below its bulging gut. * * *
A very
idiosyncratic ground. Winning the toss, the Mad elected to bat on an
idiosyncratic Wootton pitch which it appeared had been left to the elements
for some decades before being dug up with a plough, stamped down by farmhands
in football boots and finally rolled with an empty can of Diet Coke. Wootton
might have begun the game three men short, but their always strong batting
line-up was thought to hold all the danger until Jarvis found himself early
among the wickets and the Mad were tottering at 15-3 in the third over. S.
Dobner and J. Hotson, looking less like a 1920s bassoon player every week,
both went for ducks, although M. Westmoreland did amass a useful 2. A. Fisher
(13) then began to studiously compile as though his life depended on it, and
while not fully mastering the inconsistencies of the pitch, the doughty
Fisher at least mitigated their perils with diligence and application. At the
other end, Howarth had reached 63 by the time Fisher
departed with the total on 90, and was on 65 when he comprehensively ran out
A. Morley, who scored a useful three before gratefully returning to the
scorer’s desk where his supply of heavy duty Dutch solvents awaited. Howarth
had scored 69 when S. Hebbes succumbed for a third team duck some little
while later, and was on 70 when J. Hoskins likewise left the arena, having
failed to register, with the Mad suddenly in trouble on 105-7. On 95, with
the total on 134, Howarth mistimed a full toss from tousle-haired
seven-year-old J. Stoney straight down the throat of mid off, thus
registering the third highest Mad score of all time and not a century either.
Good knock, though, despite being dropped four times. M. Bullock went soon
after for a useful 6, followed last of all by A. Mann for his customary 4,
leaving D. Jones on an unexpected but useful 4* stranded at the other end.
Apart from Howarth, whose 95 included a record four sixes in a Mad innings,
extras contributed a creditable 23, and A. Fisher’s 13 was crucial. That was
about it, however, leaving onlookers to surmise that the Mad couldn’t bat for
peanuts, at least, not since returning from Minehead, signifying the longest
tour hangover in history, a general lack of application, or perhaps some
species of all-pervasive spiritual malaise exacerbated by food additives,
mobile phone mast emissions and prolonged over-exposure to the mass media.
S. Dobner hurls the ball in during the Mad’s
exciting 3 run win over Wootton. With only seven partnerships to play with,
Wootton began circumspectly, as A. Mann and D. Jones (7-1-36-0) held to a
tight line in the opening overs. But anything slightly off line was being
punished by the Wootton pair, and it took a bowling change to bring the
breakthrough, as J. Hoskins (6-1-27-1) had A. Hambridge caught at mid on by
J. Hotson with the score on 40. In T. Ingram, however, Wootton had a batsman
of obvious class, seemingly untroubled as he cruised towards his half
century, threatening to take the game away from the Mad. Support for Ingram
came from the occasionally droll but ever genial S. Poole, who had
established himself with a series of crass hoiks before A. Fisher (7-1-26-3)
beat his wafted blade and left him ripe for the stumping by M. Bullock
standing up. Two balls later, Fisher deceived his second victim bowled for
nought, but at 88-3 with Ingram still at the wicket, Wootton remained
favourites. It took something special to turn it the Mad’s way. S. Hebbes
(3-0-14-1) at the glasshouse end laid one up nicely for Ingram to flay
through covers, but M. Westmoreland in the deep, who had already dropped a
couple of nasties, flung himself a half dozen yards or more to his left and,
with his nose deep in cow turd, stuck out a many-fingered hand and snatched
the ball from the air two clover widths from the ground. Some there were said
never had they seen a catch like it, others demurred saying, what about that
catch from that other game by that other guy, others said, no way. Whatever
the case, Ingram trudged off for 56, and the Mad were in it. Then, an over
later, not to be outdone, I. Howarth at long on flung himself, cow turd,
clover leaf, tiny hands, finger tip, hair’s breadth, still not a century, spam
spam spam, someone smash his computer, long drive from Redruth, Cornish
pasties all round, etc etc, and the home side were crumbling. But Wootton skipper B. Dale was joined at the
wicket by apple-cheeked five-year-old J. Stoney, and together the pair edged
and nurdled their way towards the target. With 25 to get, S. Dobner
(4-0-14-0), who had vowed that morning never again to bowl for the Mad on
pain of instant death, came on and at once hit the spot, and as A. Mann
resumed from the hayrick end with the generous and accommodating S. Poole at
umpire, it was getting tense. The four-year-old Stoney held on well, but a
mix-up saw him run out with 15 required, and when A. Mann scored a direct hit
from short fine leg to send Jarvis packing, 7 were needed from the last two
overs with a single wicket standing.
A.
Mann bowls the team home with Mann (6.3-1-26-1) began his last with a dot, but
then Dale (23) hit a loose one to the square boundary. Three needed. Third
ball, a close shout for lbw. Not out. Fourth, the home captain swung again,
missing a straight one swinging in, and the stumps were broken. In the
gathering Wootton gloom, the Mad had won by three. Three runs. It was thin, but it felt fat. Jesus,
it was obese. ‘Blocker’
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MOTM:
Champagne Moment: M. Westmoreland’s diving catch
Buffet Award: D.
Jones’ jammy dodgers
Hat Lore: Communal
Pink Hat (Wootton)