Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Twinkle’s Big Day Out”

 

 

Saturday 31st July 2004

Result:  Won by 8 Wkts

Venue:  Minehead, Somerset

35 overs

Minehead CC

178 ao

J. Hoskins  4 - 34,  A. Mann  2 - 4

FFTMCCC

179 - 2

S. Dobner  77*,  I. Howarth  40

 

 

 

4.26am

 

Twinkle lay awake in bed as the neon digits of the alarm clock stared back at him. This was the fourth night running that he had been unable to get a decent night’s sleep. Even a liquid diet of Somerset cider had failed to dull his senses and allow his brain to switch off. Again he had had the same ghastly dream – a cricket ground, lined by trees, with a large brick pavilion to one side, and the terrifying sight of a large man in whites swishing his bat around and smacking balls so high and mighty that seagulls were endangered. It was only a year ago that Twinkle was the unfortunate Mad player to be nominated for captaincy at Minehead. It was a quite horrendous day in which the Minehead players had quite literally smashed the ball to every facet of the coastline, and then scythed through the tired and drunken Mad batting line-up like a knife through butter. He still had nightmares about that day – in particular the shambolic performance off his team mates who left him to carry the can for their collective ineptitude. But later today, S. Dobner had to confront all those demons again…. for the Mad were to return.

 

 

A beautiful day ushered in for the trip to Minehead.

 

8.35am

 

A very tired and dishevelled S. Dobner entered the dining area of the Dunkery Beacon Hotel to eat his breakfast. He needed fuel because he certainly hadn’t had any sleep. His eyes lifted momentarily from the hearty breakfast in front of him, and settled on one of his team mates sitting opposite. M. Westmoreland had suffered post-dramatic stress disorder ever since that fateful day a year ago when he was routinely savaged by rampaging batsmen and later had to retire from the field of play sporting yet another injury. He looked a haunted man. Things had to be different this time round, surely?

 

1.30pm

 

The Madding Crowd cricketers arrived at the Minehead ground in an assortment of coloured cars (and a Skoda), and after unloading their wares, they made for the pitch to see what was what. The first thing they realised was that there was already a game going on – so unless they were late for some bizarre 3-sided cricketing affair, they were playing on another pitch altogether! After deciding that 3-sided cricket was ludicrous, the players made their way past the infamous Westmoreland pavilion, and over to a more rough and tumble pitch by some tennis courts. This was to be where the resumption of battle would be staged against the Minehead boys, a year after the travesty that threatened to wreak havoc of the 2003 tour.

 

 

A prefect parking spot for the Fennel Bros.

 

Twinkle strode up to the ramshackle changing rooms that were much akin to some quickly constructed shelters from the Wild West. There, in waiting, were the opposition, and imagine his relief to be confronted by no pot-bellied ogres wielding 26 pound cricket bats, but a friendly collection of granddad’s, kids, and the odd mouthy teenager. Mr. Dobner smiled – today was going to be a very different proposition.

 

* * *

 

2.30pm

 

After failing to win the toss, Mr. Dobner reluctantly informed his troups that they were going to be fielding first in the glorious sunshine. It was hot, real hot, and thank god the players hadn’t got stuck into copious amounts of alcohol the night before, or dehydration would become a factor…. (ahem). The ball was tossed to Aussie swingster A. Mann to begin with, and he proceeded to bowl dot ball after dot ball after dot ball until everyone fell asleep. The returning S. Hebbes on the other hand bowled far less dot balls and was subsequently swatted for several boundaries returning figures of 8-0-52-1. However, wickets did start to tumble after the introduction of N. Hebbes (7-2-13-2), and J. Hoskins (8-0-34-4), and for a while the Mad thought about chasing a meagre target. Although this notion was scuppered by a fruity selection of buffet dished up by J. Harris who returned the quite dismal figures of 4-0-37-0, and despite the skipper (3-0-9-0) applying the brake, it was left for the returning A. Mann (8-4-4-2) to end the Minehead innings with 2 wickets from his last 2 balls. Minehead all out for a healthy 178 and A. Mann on a hat-trick.

 

 

A building site provided a lush and exotic background to proceedings.

 

4.34pm.

 

Tea.

 

5.01pm

 

With the Mineheadsters having taken to the field, Twinkle marched to the crease with his opening partner, I. Howarth. The sight of a small kid opening the bowling from the Tennis Court End led to much speculation pitch-side as to how Howarth would counter this threat – bearing in mind his rather inglorious dismissal just 12 months ago…. to a kid…. an incident which caused the Madding Crowd to debate his age ever since, and to laugh every time Howarth faced a small child with a cricket ball in his hands. Today however, Ian would have his revenge, and after the first 10 overs the Mad had realised 65 without loss after a particularly savage opening salvo. Unfortunately, Howarth (40) got carried away and returned a sharp catch to bowler D. Richards. J Harris now joined his skipper at the crease, and the score moved serenely past the hundred mark, before a rush of blood to the head left Harris (20) stumped, and everyone amazed he hadn’t dragged the ball onto his stumps.

 

A now visibly tiring Twinkle found a willing partner in M. Westmoreland, and as the Minehead team struggled in the stifling heat, the Mad continued to chase down their total. Martin coshed the ball around to finish unbeaten on 31*, and with a late surge of booming drives and a return of form, Dobner finished proceedings off to leave the Mad on 179-2, and himself on 77 not out. It was a proper captain’s knock to lead the Mad to victory, and a great start to the tour after last year’s debacle.

 

 

Natch cider – ideal for combating the effects of dehydration (apparently).

 

7.42pm

 

As the sun now set over the sea in the Minehead sea, the Mad now set about sinking a boatload of cider with their hosts. It was all laughter and frivolity and despite the euphoria of banishing his demons, S. Dobner was to be found sitting trance-like in his chair. Revenge had been great…. but dehydration sucked.

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

Statto's Scorecard

 

 

MOTM:  S. Dobner’s captain’s innings of 77 not out

Buffet Award:  J. Harris’ egg sandwiches with cress

 

 

 

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