Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

“Mad Army

Liberates Marlborough Country”

Sunday 16^th May 2004
Result: Won by 149 runs
Venue: Cutteslowe Park
35 overs
FFTMCCC	196 - 6
I. Howarth 79, S. Hebbes 30*
Marlborough House	47 ao
A. Mann 3 - 4, S. Dobner 3 - 17

In scenes very reminiscent, the Army of the Mad today liberated Marlborough Country at Cuttleslowe Park by a hefty 149 runs with 15 overs to spare. Witnessed by three kids on a bike and a dog called Woofie, the devastation inflicted by the Mad Army was far-reaching, significant and salutary for all concerned. Said Group Captain J. Hoskins after the game, “We’re using ‘liberate’ in the Anglo-American sense of completely obliterate, destroy, give a good kicking to. We expected the Marlborians to show up today with a stronger force, but they had no hidden weapons at all, which frankly was a bit of a surprise. I think you could say that we took no prisoners, and if we had, there’s hardly any chance at all we would have abused them, and if we had, it wouldn’t have been our fault. Sadly none of our team is on the board of Halliburton, so it’s unlikely we’ll make millions of bucks out of this, but no-one can deny that today is a great day, especially for the people of Marlborough. The Marlborian’s have at last been liberated after a long period of local resistance. Long live the Mad!”

* * *

Game One. Year Zero. The lengthy off-season deliberations about whether to seek a new home pub had finished. The candidate venues had been assiduously researched and assessed, and the Committee had met to discuss the options. A complex system of weightings was devised and the different pubs rated, their merits discussed in a furiously heated and yet witty and purposeful debate, after which someone said, ‘Let’s just stay at the Mad’ and everyone else agreed.

The Mad watch their batsman making hay against the Marlborough Boys.

As though to metaphorical clap the hand of wisdom onto the backs of the gathered Mad, not long into the game, the Far From the Madding Crowd proprietor himself - James Reilly - arrived at the ground with a bottle of rum, limes, coke and ice, and in sweltering May heat proceeded to feed alcohol to the grateful team, the manner in which these refreshments were accepted suggesting that several of the assembled had not had a drink for several years. There had been little in the jeans and T shirts of the arriving Marlborough team to suggest the outcome of the game, but the shape of things to come soon became clear when half their number didn’t bother to change before taking the field. This was a weakened Marlborough XI that the Mad faced.

Batting after the toss was won by consistently successful coinsman J. Hoskins, J. Hotson (4) anchored a pretty opening stand of 65 with Mad 2003 Player of the Year I. Howarth, whose 79 at Cuttleslowe banished the bogies and showed none of the effects of an off-season spent in constant louche debauchery and habitual spamming. T. Mander (1) went cheaply before M. Westmoreland (11) had a promising innings cut short by a brilliant umpiring decision much applauded by the Marlborough faithful. S. Hebbes continued his fine form, scoring approximately 30, while M. Bullock (18) and J. Hoskins (5 n.o) provided typically bright cameos to push the score far beyond the reach of the depleted Marlborough. A. Fisher marked a welcome return to the team with 13 lusty runs at the business end of the innings, and only the bowling of A. Salt (2-17) proved any obstacle as the Mad progressed towards their 4^th-highest total of all time.

All that remained then was for the bowling attack to render the Marlborough into a quivering pile of duck eggs, and so it occurred. A. Mann (3-4) made short work of the top order, taking three wickets for no runs all bowled before hitting the doldrums and retiring to slip with the gammy knee which will no doubt plague him into his dotage should he live that long. S. Dobner (3-17) began the season with real zip, J. Hoskins (2-3) was right on the mark as usual, and N. Hebbes (1-9) was likewise right in the groove. A. Fisher (1-0) needed just a single ball to grab the prized wicket of a small boy hardly able to hold a bat, and thereby end an innings of seven ducks, two scores of one, and M. Shelley, who at 20 not out survived long enough to be dropped three times by the Mad. Which seemed to amuse him greatly.

On crossing the border into Marlborough Country for a post-war celebration, the Mad were disappointed to see that only a handful of the natives of that land had arrived to welcome them, indeed, it was enough to make you think that the Marlborough hadn’t enjoyed being liberated at all.

‘Blocker’

*

Statto's Scorecard

MOTM: I. Howarth’s knock of 79

Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s six over long on

Buffet Award: J. Hotson’s marmite sandwiches

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