Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

“Batsman Gives Himself Not Out

After Being Given Out

In Bad Tempered Mad Loss”

Sunday 12^th September 2004
Result: Lost by 7 Wkts
Venue: The Baldons
35 overs
FFTMCCC	168 ao
I. Howarth 40, A. Mann 34, N. Hebbes 30
Baldons	172 - 3
I. Howarth 2 - 24

The unique and utterly English setting of the Baldons hosted the finale to the Madster’s topsy-turvy 2004 season. Unfortunately the game would be remembered for all the wrong reasons due to a rather unpleasant spat midway through the second innings of the game when the Baldon’s star-bat M. Denning refused to budge after being given out. Anyway, more of that later.

The pavilion at the Baldons almost obscured by the trees.

* * *

The day had not begun well, with players confused over whether the game was on or off due to the rather wet conditions that had been lingering around over the past few days. As it was, the game was on, and the Mad would begin the game with 9 players and finish with 10. Worse was to follow as Mad skipper J. Hoskins uncharacteristically lost the toss and the Mad were stuck in on a green seaming wicket. In an effort to redeem his poor tossing, the skipper strapped on the pads and opened the batting with fellow Mad bowler, A. Mann. This proved a cunning ploy as the pair registered a healthy 29 run partnership before Hoskin's feet set in some unseen concrete and he was bowled for an unlucky 13. A brief, and decidedly aggressive cameo from S. Dobner (15) saw the score ushered to 51 before he too was bowled. T. Smith (7) added to the list of people bowled, but a belligerent M. Bullock didn't - he was lbw for 8. Suddenly a collapse looked on the cards, as first, the unflustered A. Mann was pouched for a staunch 34, and the luckless A. Morley followed him back to the pavilion for a very feathery duck. 96 for 6.

Enter I. Howarth and N. Hebbes - two batsmen all too familiar with producing partnerships of absolutely no substance whatsoever together. However, much to the bookies delight, they curbed this now infamous trend, and actually took on the Baldon bowlers with some relish. Boundaries came aplenty, and when Howarth fell for a groovy 40, the Mad had totalled 152, and together with Hebbes (30) they had broken the 7th wicket partnership record. G. Bridges (3) and A. Fisher (6*) applied the finishing touches as the Mad finished on 168 for 9. Not a bad total, or so it seemed.

Tea, and what a fine spread it was. Tons of everything including freshly made cakes and delicious delicacies, all baked by the eccentric old ladies who populated the many surrounding thatched cottages and 26 room mansions.

For a shade under 2 million you can bag yourself a nice pad in the Baldons.

The second innings got underway and the Madsters were soon celebrating when I. Howarth had Baldon opener C. Taylor caught behind for a duck - a nice catch by glovesman A. Fisher. With N. Hebbes keeping things tidy at the other end, the Baldons were struggling, and indeed they lost further wickets on reaching 52. Howarth (6-1-24-2) eventually made way for S. Dobner, whilst Hebbes (8-1-61-1), after receiving a few lusty blows port-side, made way for A. Mann (8-4-17-0) who bowled with his customary miserliness.

The balance of play was starting to shift in the Baldon's favour however. Their number one batsman, M. Denning, had started to unveil his myriad of strokes and the ball was summarily dispatched to various boundaries with increasing regularity. So it was with some relief when the skipper had him plumb leg before. But instead of walking after seeing the umpires finger raised in his general direction, Mr. Denning saw fit to stand his ground and point to his bat claiming “I hit it! I hit it!” Now of course this situation should never have arisen in the first place – if you're given out, you accept the umpires decision, mutter to yourself under your breath, and leave for the hutch in a high state of dudgeon. But no, not Mr. Denning. In his world, you stand your ground like some spoilt irritating child, and protest your innocence at extreme length until the umpire considers reversing his decision.

Sensing that tempers were starting to fray, and aware of various barbed comments being hurled at the Baldon opener, Mr. Hoskins intervened in the row and asked the batsman whether he hit the ball. Our captain has many virtues, and his man-management is exemplary when you consider the stock he has under his leadership - but the post-match verdict agreed he was far too generous when he made the offer to let Mr. Denning remain at the crease for fear of letting things get out of hand.

The Baldon’s pitch has a road going through it!

Mr. Denning duly went on to smack 107 not out, and together with some old crock with more lives than Fidel Castro, he saw the Baldons to a 7 wicket victory. A sour one at that. Mr. Denning's century was greeted with almost total silence on the field.

* * *

So, hardly a fitting way to sign off the season, and due to the unsavoury incident the fixture is a doubt for next season - unless the Baldons boys fancy a few fists and sauces in the local before the commencement of any game? Not all of them of course, in fact, just one of them… he knows who he is.

‘Spam’

*

Bonus: "Eyewitness Report"

Statto's Scorecard

MOTM: no votes cast

Champagne Moment: no votes cast

Buffet Award: N. Hebbes’ cherry trifle

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