Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“No-Mad Finally Get

Stogumber’s Number”

 

 

Monday 1st August 2005

Result:  Won by 38 Runs

Venue:  Stogumber, Somerset

25 overs

FFTMCC

178 - 7

M. Westmoreland  54,  D. Edwards  42

Stogumber

140 ao

A. Mann  4 - 10,  D. Edwards  2 - 25

 

 

 

So what does it take to beat Stogumber? For countless years now, on a Monday evening in August, the Mad had been coming to this barren, verdant, desolate, picturesque plateau near the north Somerset coastline. For what seemed like eons the local Stogumber youth had been slapping the Mad bowlers back past their heads at will, intentionally losing dozens of Mad cricket balls in the thick hedgerows and forested hills. What could possibly break this pattern of disappointment and loss, this Stogumber curse, which yearly seemed to suck vitally and hope from all who came here? Poisoning the local water supply? Burning the village of Stogumber to the ground? Not necessary. Inspired leadership, that’s what.

 

 

The Stogumber team sink into the pitch watching Martin bat.

 

After being declared officially dead on the morning of the game, skipper for the day J. Hotson was revived long enough to organise the team tennis tournament in Minehead (won by S. Dobner and M. Westmoreland), and then, kept alive by the regular consumption of cider and cannabis, Hotson could be seen later prowling the grounds of the Dunkery Beacon Hotel, producing fistfuls of crumpled paper from his pockets, scraps and scribblings which held the indecipherable secrets to his long-pondered match strategy. Several times during the afternoon and on the subsequent journey to the ground, Hotson was asked by team mates to reveal his plans, but on each occasion, his incoherent ramblings almost gave the impression that he had no idea what he was talking about.

 

But on arrival at Stogumber, the skipper’s master plan soon became clear: wearing a plastic policeman’s helmet, Hotson strode onto the clubhouse veranda exclaiming, “I’m the authority around here! Who’s the captain? Is that dickhead who tried to knock our Thornton’s head off last year playing again?” On the reply being in the negative, Hotson tore off his blue toy hat saying, “Well, I won’t be needing this, then.”

 

 

Hands up if you’re dropped and you’re really fucking happy about it.

 

Winning the toss, Hotson elected to bat, and the efficacy of his flexible pool system was immediately obvious. By pairing a steady player at every turn with a more adventurous one, steadiness and adventure in each partnership was guaranteed. The luckless S. Dobner played steadily for his duck, but at the other end, M.Westmoreland was showing great adventure. Joined at the crease by the steady D. Edwards (42), who impressed with a wide range of steady and elegant cut shots between the half dozen fielders stationed at point, Westmoreland (54) cut loose with some cultured mooing including successive 6s and 4s, before falling lbw to O. Rue. (This fine innings by Westmoreland has gone part way to rehabilitating the long-derided Art of the Moo, along with, to a lesser extent, certain off-to-leg shots recently played by England debutante K. Pietersen).

 

 

M. Westmoreland and D. Edwards shared an excellent 88 run partnership.

 

Edwards and Westmoreland were parted with the score on 92, shortly after which, Edwards himself went, flailing at a straight one from the useful K. Jones (4-1-30-3), which brought the adventurous T. Smith to the wicket. “This guy’s bowling straight,” commented the umpire as Smith approached, and again one ball later as Smith departed bowled for nought. J. Hoskins made a steady and impressive 17, his high score of the season, before the adventurous B. Mander (8) and M. Clarke (4) both went cheaply. N. Hebbes (12 n.o.) and A. Mann (8 n.o.) were either steady or adventurous, it’s hard to say which. Bowling for Stogumber, Bushy (3-0-28-2) was a complete knob who pranced about like a prat and generally made a fool of himself. Well done you tosser. Grow up, pal.

 

 

S. Dobner gives the home team some chin music (leg side crap).

 

With Stogumber in to bat, S. Dobner (4-0-28-1), bowling for the Mad only at Hotson’s specific request, took an early wicket, and J. Hoskins (4-0-29-1) grabbed one as well with his deceptive flight. Clean bowling Bushy for 5, D. Edwards (4-0-25-2) launched himself into the air in a trademark celebration which will see him land again sometime next Thursday. But the slap-happy Stogumber lads had the impressive Mad total of 175 in their sights until their mainstay N. Bennett (48) was run out by the inspired skipper himself, scrabbling and diving in from mid on to give D. Edwards ample time to whip off the bails. After this, the wheels fell off, as B. Mander (3-0-18-1) marked a welcome return to the Mad ranks with a timely scalp, and then A. Mann (3-1-10-4) came on at the death, showing a return to form with three wickets in four balls to clean up the tail in the fading light.

 

 

The daylight fades on the lovely Stogumber ground.

 

Ultimately, vindication for J. Hotson and his methods was complete. For the first time, and probably the last, thanks to the revolutionary pool system of batting, the Mad had beaten Stogumber. All hail the skip, and someone help him out of that gutter.

 

 

‘Blocker’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto's Scorecard

No Fines on this day

 

 

Men OTM:  M. Westmoreland’s 54 and A. Mann (8* and 4 for 10).

Champagne Moment:  no votes cast

Buffet Award:  J. Hoskin’s apple crumble pie with cream

 

 

 

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