Far From the MCC (tour match) fines 31.7.05 v Timberscombe (a) lost by 5 wickets

25p unless otherwise stated.

Player	Fine	Reason	Cost
Steve D	Dissing The Team	Dissing the captain (Ian)
	Trouser Avoidance	Lending them to James
	Opening Bowler No Wicket		£0.50
	Bullying a Small Child	Bowling bodyline (round wicket) at a girl
	Dissent
	Pavilion Abuse
	Smoking on the Pitch		£0.50
	Dissing The Team
	Falling for the Wasp Joke	Thus smoking on the pitch
	Self Importance
	Self Importance	Arguing with Fines Committee
	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Hat Theft	Stealing Ant’s hat
	Impersonating a Chav	Fashion victim
	Dissent
	Dissing The Team
	Comedy Dismissal
	Self Importance	Arguing with Fines Committee
			£5.00
Martin	Duck		£0.50
	Blaming Tools	Dissing his bat
	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Finishing Avoidance	In soccer match before game
	Talking Crap	Complaining pitch doing too much when bowling
	Geography Avoidance	On way to ground
	Talking to Farm Animals	Chatting up the cows at cow corner
	Dissing The Team	Dissing the captain (Ian)
	Dissing The Team	Dissing himself
	Dissing The Team	Dissing Steve D
			£2.75
Tony	Pub Avoidance	Fines Committee Avoidance	£1.00
Jake	Suicidal Running	Attempting to run out skipper (Ian) then self
	Scalding Avoidance	Kettle Avoidance
	Self Importance
	Talking Crap	Claiming £5 was a record fine
	Talking Crap	Whilst batting and fielding
	Comedy Appealing	Excessive
	Dropped Catch	Ball avoidance	£0.50
	Self Importance
	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Laundry Avoidance	Washing powder avoidance
	Fines' Folder Abuse	Folder has ‘fallen apart’’	£0.50
	Gratuitous Burping
	Dissing The Team	Suggesting Claire wasn't a lady
	Duck Avoidance
	Self Importance	Vanity – “I value my face”
	Pen Avoidance	Pen theft
	Fine Avoidance	No cash to pay fines
	Smoking on the Pitch
			£5.00
Ian	Geography Avoidance	In Bristol
	Gratuitous Swearing
	Fine Entrapment	Wasp joke played on Steve
	Buffet Award Entrapment	Attempted, with new bowler for last over
	Self Importance
	Self Importance
	Pub Avoidance	No pub visit before game
	Water Avoidance	No drinks for the football
	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Excessive Participation Sport	Trying to kill the team with pre-match football
	Joke Quality Avoidance	Mark Knoffler jokes
	Retirement Fraud	Opening bowling with retired bowler
	Telegraph Pole Abuse	Six
	Jug Avoidance	No jug bought for half-century
	Impersonating Steve D
	Dissent
	Bowling Avoidance	Poor decision to bat first on rabbit warren
	Dissing The Team
	Comedy Dismissal	“Leave it to me,” then out next ball
	Dissing The Team
	Self Importance	“I’m captain until midnight.”
	Dissing The Team
			£5.50
Nick	Bullying the Frail	Rugby-tackling square leg umpire with heart condition
	Comedy Fielding
	Buffet Theft
	Comedy Dismissal
	Excessive Participation Sport	Being too good at skittles
	Dissing the Umpire	For getting in his way at square leg
	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Self Importance
	Asking a Stupid Question	“How much are these?” in £1 shop
			£2.25
Claire	Abusing a Team Mate	Husband, verbally: “F*ck off!”
	Turning Up Late	Match had almost finished
	Subs Avoidance	Paying Dan's
	Dog Avoidance	Not bringing dog on tour to dog-friendly hotel
	Dissent	Cob at Fines Committee
			£1.25
Thornton	Dissent
	Self Importance	Impersonating Ade
	Impersonating a Gypsy	Living in camper van
	Ice Cream Vending Avoidance	Not using camper van as ice-cream van
	Dissing The Team
	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Scorers' Duties Avoidance	Scoreboard
	Smoking on the Pitch		£0.50
			£2.25
James H	Trouser Avoidance	Following drinking problem
	Self Importance	Re batting position
	Dissent	Arguing with captain re batting position
	Impersonating a Health and Safety Inspector	Inspecting toilets after boundary chase
	Excessive Participation Sport	Rowing injury – tendonitis – Dancing Injury Avoidance
	Impersonating a Tennis Player	Cr*p grunt ball
	Ball Avoidance	Dropping ball whilst drying it
	Dropped Catch	Receiving ball with towel, dropping towel too
	Dissent	Supercob at Fines Committee	£0.50
	Duck		£0.50
	Bullying a Small Child	Bowling bodyline (round wicket) at a girl
			£3.25
Ben	Pub Avoidance	Fines Committee Avoidance	£2.00
Matt	Transport Avoidance	Owning and bringing unreliable TVR
	Dissing The Team
	Self Importance
	Impersonating David Bailey	With camera
	Missed Stumping		£0.50
	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	Geography Avoidance
			£2.75
Mike	Smoking on the Pitch
	Excessive Travelling	Air miles from China to join tour
	Pitch Avoidance	Bowling in nets
	Laundry Avoidance
	Toiletries Avoidance	No towel for shower
	Scorers' Duties Avoidance
	Impersonating a Gypsy	Living in camper van
			£1.75
John	Sportswear Avoidance	Incorrect football attire
	Average Protection	Thoughts of
	Self Importance	Worrying about batting average
	Spin Avoidance
	Self Importance
	Jug Avoidance	Only taking 2 wickets when 7 expected
	Instigating a Collapse	Calypso Collapso
	Opening Partnership Avoidance		£0.50
	Owning a Confectioners	Calypso Fruits
	Hat Theft	Impersonating hat thief, becoming prime suspect
			£2.75
Dan	Gardening Avoidance
	Assaulting the Opposition	Supercob - throwing ball at batsman	£0.50
	Impersonating Austin Powers
	Premature Celebration	Celebrating yorker
	Bullying a Small Child	Taking catch to dismiss girl
	Missed Run-Out		£0.50
	Self Importance	Complaining about batting average
	Impersonating a Police Constable	With hat
	Hat Theft	Of policeman’s helmet
	Dog Avoidance	Not bringing dog on tour to dog-friendly hotel
	Impersonating a Gypsy	Having no money
	Comedy Appealing
	Communication Avoidance	Not answering phone
	Subs Avoidance	Not paying own
			£4.00
			^†£41.50

^†Almost certainly a new all-time club record.

Special Rates

Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50

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