Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Rift In Time Opens

To Reveal An Uglier Future”

 

 

Sunday 12th June 2005

Result:  Won by 6 Wkts

Venue:  Cutteslowe Park

35 overs

Marlborough House

24 ao

J. Harris  7 - 5,  A. Mann  2 - 5

FFTMCC

29 - 4

A. Mann  8*,  G. Littlechild  8*

 

 

 

At Cuttleslowe Park today, much to the surprise of gawping onlookers, a great gaping rent appeared in the fabric of space-time, making vooom vooom noises, and sending an upcoming international Twenty20 match back from the future, where it flopped and squirmed for a short while before dying pathetically in the middle of the flat Cuttleslowe wicket. Was it really the beleaguered Marlborough House team which found itself so brutally under the cosh of the rampant once-Mad, or was it in fact the touring Australians, losing seven wickets in the space of 20 deliveries as they slumped remarkably from 23-0 to 31-7 at the Rose Bowl on the following Monday evening against the English? The similarities did not end there: both defeated teams showed true valour and bravery, great heart, courage, dynamism, aggression, nobility, purity of heart and mind, cheeky grins and an all-round nice guy attitude. Yet these virtues were as nothing in the face of powerful and relentless bowling attacks bent on humiliation and that most despicable of sporting practices, mental disintegration. This much can certainly be said: if such parallels are to continue between Marlborough House and the Australians, then the sooner the Marlborough lads move to the Chester Arms and get their shit together, the better. The future of world cricket depends on it, not to mention the possibility that this humble scribe survives the summer without being mercilessly goaded by his fun-loving team mates.

 

 

A head-band wearing J. Hotson opens the batting for the No-Mad.

 

On a fine Cuttleslowe afternoon, cloudy yet all not that cold really, for this time of year at any rate, and isn’t it curious how people will often muse on the poor quality of an English summer, when last year, for instance, was the fourth hottest in recent times, once-Mad Captain J. Hoskins won the toss and put the Marlborough in for a bat. Here was the second meeting of old foes this season. The first had been won easily by the Previously Nutty, and in truth expectations were of a similar result this time round. None, however, could have predicted the massacre which ensued.

 

 

“150 mile round trip from Essex for this pile of shit!”

 

Opening from the Wide Sweep of Sky End, A. Mann (4-1-5-2) found a line to the left-hander M. Reeves (4), and soon had a couple of wickets, but from the Long Line of Cars End, J. Harris (5.3-2-5-7) was beginning the spell which would end the game almost in the blink of an eye. Bowling straight, slow and on a length, Harris tempted and bamboozled the Marlborough into a misery of dismissals*, five ducks among them. With a direct hit run-out thrown in for good measure, Harris took seven wickets while conceding a mere five runs, surely a Mad record which will stand for some time to come, if not until the very end of days. J. Hotson (2-0-9-0) bowled a couple of nice overs which showed that he is regaining his old confidence, and was unlucky not to be among the wickets himself. With J. Ohn top-scoring for the Marlborough, posting 5, it was hardly a surprise that they were all out for only 24. J. Hoskins at mid-off pouched a couple of catches handily, and there were other people in the field, but it’s hard to remember who they were since they did sweet fa, although G. Littlechild impressed once again deputising at keeper.

 

 

G. Littlechild (facing) knocks off the paltry total.

 

A handful of wickets fell for the Non-Mad before they knocked off the runs, notably that of V. Stone (0) who in making her debut for the Mad was the third female so to do, hey, chicks are always welcome, that’s the kind of team we are. (V. Stone is a close friend of No-Mad all-rounder I. Howarth, although it’s unknown at this stage what she thinks of his very small hands). But A. Mann (8 n.o.) and G. Littlechild (8 n.o.) had soon clubbed a couple of boundaries each to settle the matter. S. Hane (4-1-16-1) and particularly W. Ill (3-0-11-3) for the Marlborough looked handy with the ball.

 

And that was about it.

 

Um.

 

Thanks for coming.

 

 

J. Harris. Immortalised. 7 for 5. And a run out.

 

* * *

 

*  -  A misery of dismissals: technical term for a herd of wickets; an embarrassing batting collapse.

 

 

‘Blocker’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

MOTM:  J. Harris for his 7-for and direct-hit run out

Champagne Moment:  J. Harris for his direct hit run out

Buffet Award:  J. Hotson’s treacle puddings

 

 

 

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