Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Mad Debutant Captain Comes Good

After Skip Goes Scilly”

 

 

Sunday 16th July 2006

Result:  Won by 58 Runs

Venue:  Pembroke College Sports Ground

35 overs

FFTMCC

234 - 4

M. Westmoreland  81,  D. Edwards  42*

Wootton & Bladon

176 ao

M. Reeves  3 - 43

 

 

 

Never hurry an artist, that’s what I say. Be him in the field, behind the canvas, crouched behind the cue ball, or about to launch the arrow - never hurry him. For he shall hit the wire, jump the shot, twitch on the final brushstroke, or mistime to deep slip. Or even worse sprout complete crap in some lame excuse for a match report….

 

It was to be yet another historical date in the MAD calendar, for a new Captain was to make his entry onto the hallowed Pembroke turf. Interviewers were there to witness the scene and capture the special moments with a multitude of pens stolen from a wondering insane dark-thought harbouring gentleman, who was muttering about the times when he used to bring a pen to every match without fail. But now there were no pens left in the world, it had become a much much darker place.

 

 

D. Edwards skippered the Mad whilst his general made “art”in the Scillies.

 

As they had done for ancient MAD skipper J. Hoskins in the past, interviewers were quick to put words into the mouth of this debutant skipper who strode proudly into the Folly Arms for the pre-match warm-up. “Firstly, how DOES it feel to have a raging mad dark beast pace the halls of your home each night destroying your soft furnishings with abandon?” “Well, to be honest”, claimed Edwards, “it’s perfectly fine, nothing compared to the insane slobberings and broken glasses that are left all over after a visit from Howarth, who has been coming round my house every night for the last three weeks explaining exactly how he wants me to captain every incident on the field this coming match!” “Well, you certainly seemed to have settled right into the team – has there been any problem coming from one bunch of reprobates to join an equally dysfunctional squad?” “No problem at all, guys – the lads have welcomed me with empty glasses, and not once taken the piss out of me for previously playing for the Marlborough. Or Reevsie (LHB ya know) for that matter…. We are both sure that if they did crack any Marlborough jokes they would be absolutely hilarious. Side-splitting in fact. Real rib-tickling beauties. I’m sure. Yes.”

 

 

Dan had plenty to contend with in his first game in charge.

 

So the Spellcaster took to the pitch for his first outing as MAD Captain, and started superbly by winning the toss on what was forecasted to be a scorcher yet again. Spectators flocked to the ground with the expectation of seeing their son skipper the team, although having not read the website for the last three years didn’t actually realise he’d stopped….

 

N. Hebbes and M. Westmoreland strode to the crease as opening batsmen and the crowd hushed as an episode of Fawlty Towers was reinacted by the fielding side. “Manuel!” was the shout from the field to describe the opening bowler as he warmed up with a dead rat. The MAD openers immediately started to punish the Wootton attack with sixes, fours and dots a plunder as both batsman seemed determined to build an innings without changing ends. This tactic worked admirably until Hebbes, after striking an impressive 24, was caught by Manuel who shouted “Meester Fawlty, Meester Fawlty - I caw-w-w-t one!!” Bullock as Cameo continued the partnership with the in-form Westmoreland, before Martin incredibly raked across a straight one 19 short of his third century. “Right that’s it, I’m not playing again”, exclaimed Westmoreland throwing a cob, “a miserly 81 runs, I don’t know why I bother turning out!” Cameo Bullock continued building partnerships with A. Cavanagh (0) until the latter ran him out! Bullock cameosly strode off the field to a thunderous round of applause reflecting on the fact that he had not carried his bat for 22, and no longer the Cameo performer surely? T. Smith (12*) and his skipper D. Edwards who put on a customary 42 not out without celebrating saw the MAD to an impressive score somewhere in the region of 234 although this is uncertain as I don’t have the scorebook with me.

 

 

In-form M. Westmoreland (81) missed out on his 3rd ton of the year.

 

Tea occurred although without the seafood specials to much disappointment.

 

When the MAD took to the field, the bowling was opened by bowling legend A. Mann, in partnership with a vibrant J. Hoskins - having been shunted up the bowling attack due to an uncharacteristic rise in form in recent weeks. The two started to grind the opening batsman down with economy from both ends. Mann (7-2-19-1) gave nothing away, whilst the wily Hoskins (7-1-28-0) was equally as miserly in restricting the visitors to less than 50 off the first 14 overs. This left the door open for M. Reeves to take wickets without resolve claiming 3 beauties for just 43 runs. The MAD were then to try some new tactics, as J. Hotson performed an American Football style block on the non-striking batsman in the hope of getting him ran-out whilst he lay unconscious on the track. Alas, the decision was turned down due to the fact that the boot in the head, not the tackle had rendered him comatose. Damn that third eye.

 

The visitors would then try in vain to respond and build on their meagre total, but the FFTMCC always had the game in control under the tactical guile of their vice skipper. Firstly, he introduced T. Smith (3-0-20-2) who bowled like his campervan depended on it, straight and true towards the batsmen’s heads, and then a few at the stumps to confuse them. And secondly, he allowed M. Westmoreland (3.2-0-12-2) to clear up the rabbits in his now customary game hogging style to leave Wootton well short of their victory target.

 

 

T. Smith (12*) enjoyed a good day with both bat and ball.

 

So with the debut of a fine captain complete the MAD team have proved they can compete even without I. Howarth at the helm, and took great pleasure in informing him so by fining him £5 for being Scilly and definitely not MAD.

 

 

‘Stan’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

MOTM:  no votes cast

Champagne Moment:  no votes cast

Buffet Award:  N. Hebbes’ blackcurrent cheesecake

 

 

 

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