Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“World Health Organisation

Contacted After Mad

Are Poisoned During Drinks-Break”

 

 

Sunday 11th June 2006

Result:  Lost by 9 Wkts

Venue:  Warriner School (Bloxham)

40 overs

FFTMCC

108 ao

I. Howarth  47,  S. Parkinson  39

Milton CC

112 - 3

M. Reeves  1 - 16

 

 

 

Roger Harry Daltrey CBE, founder and lead singer of rock group The Who, was somewhat bemused to have his butler disturb his dinner party with a phone call from Mad cricketing legend J. Hotson. He was further bemused when asked whether his “organisation” dealt with suspected cases of underhand poisoning at friendly cricket matches. Realising the blunder, Roger was to direct Mr. Hotson in the direction of the World Health Organisation (WHO) to pursue his concerns into wrongdoing.

 

 

Roger Daltrey does not work for the World Health Organisation.

 

The concerns had arisen after a mid-innings drink break during a match played out between the centrally based Oxford outfit, the Far From The MCC, and north Oxford cricket outfit, Milton CC. After establishing a quite commanding position of 95-1, not out batsmen I. Howarth and S. Parkinson slaked their thirst on watered down orange juice procured from a large white barrel under a wooden table. It tasted okay, and it was guzzled most readily. There was even enough to go round for the remainder of the team, who were slowly melting in the mid-June heat as they watched the game unfold. And that’s pretty much when things went completely tits up! Such was the dramatic events thereafter the break, that puzzled players and spectators alike demanded the intervention of the WHO to try and clear up just what was in the orange juice – and just what had happened….

 

As we go to press, the WHO have failed to find any positive results during initial tests, although the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) department have been notified and are carrying out further checks in the hope of providing an explanation for such an inexplicable cricketing implosion.

 

 

M. Reeves would actually bat on this day (for a few minutes anyway).

 

Let’s rewind the day….

 

After winning the toss on such a glorious day, it came as no surprise to see acting skipper, I. Howarth, elect to bat first on what looked like a decent, if brownish strip of earth on a nicely cut field. Other mitigating factors in the decision to bat first were probably the fact that over half of the team had been on the piss throughout the day before whilst lending support to the national football team, and that history would suggest the Mad stood a better chance of chasing down a Porsche 911 on a skateboard than chase a sizeable total down for victory. Whatever, the Milton boys groaned their collective disapproval and took to the field.

 

 

There was plenty to muse over as the day progressed.

 

J. Hotson, in an unaccustomed, but not entirely alien role of opener, bisected the slips on his way to an enterprising 4 before becoming the latest victim of I. Howarth’s lack of running expertise. It was a shocking call, and evoked memories of any one of the other calamitous run outs involving the skipper. Hotson, looking every inch like Eric Clapton, smashed his guitar in half, shot up, and departed the stage left. 6 for 1. There then followed a serene passage of play that would seem to usher the Mad into an impregnable position from which to launch a sizeable total. In a little under 20 overs, Howarth and S. Parkinson saw off the opening bowlers and started cashing in on an increasing number of loose balls to move the score along at nearly 5 an over. Drives, cuts, pulls – it all looked very manageable and extremely inevitable. So much so, a deflated Milton team appeared to have resigned themselves to chasing down 200 plus when it came to their turn to bat.

 

 

J. Hotson opted to umpire after his skipper ran him out.

 

Drinks break.

 

And what happened shortly after can only be described as unbelievable. In fact, nobody who was there that day could quite fathom just how it did happen - but happen it did. With the score on 99 for 1, Howarth (47) mistimed a pull shot and left the field cursing his inability to push on to greater things. M. Westmoreland came and went for a golden duck, and S. Parkinson (39), after watching his established partner cough up a dolly, did likewise as he went to a catch at mid on. 99 for 4. It then got worse as M. Bullock (3) and T. Smith (3) were caught square of the wicket, and A. Cavanagh was castled for a duck. M. Reeves (2) then further compounded matters by deciding to run himself out, with A. Small and J. Hoskins contributing ticks to the duck column. It all left an utterly perplexed, A. Mann, protecting his average on 0 not out.

 

 

S. Parkinson (39) departs to cement the horrendous Mad collapse.

 

108 all out.

 

9 wickets had fallen for 9 runs in the space of 9 overs from being 99 for 1. The collapse to end all collapses. Foul play was immediately suspected. Just what was in that orange juice? Whatever it was, the effects seemed to have worn off before the Milton side came to the wicket, with openers G. Wilby (73*) and R. Lambdon (36) plundering the Mad bowling to all parts in a partnership worth 93 off just 16 overs. It was only broken by a superb catch by S. Parkinson off the bowling of M. Reeves (2-0-18-1) to prevent a pitiful 10 wicket defeat….

 

What a truly bizarre turnaround. The Mad left the ground in a state of shock, as did their erstwhile opponents - who like everyone else, just couldn’t quite believe what had happened.

 

 

Milton struggle to comprehend just what has happened….

 

LATEST: the World Health Organisation have just confirmed that samples taken from the orange juice provided by Milton CC on the 11th of June, provided no traces of any sources which may have led to the aforementioned batting fiasco. Indeed, a spokesperson for the organisation, M. Spores, was quoted as saying “we are unable to find any signs of poisoning, and must therefore come to the conclusion that maybe the Far From The MCC were just utter shit on this particular day?”

 

* * *

 

Quote of the Day: “Don’t let him make you his bitch!” A. Cavanagh, in response to J. Hoskins being spanked over his head for yet another boundary by the rampaging J. Wilby.

 

 

‘Scotch’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

MOTM:  S. Parkinson’s 39 and good catch

Champagne Moment:  S. Parkinson’s fine catch at square leg

Buffet Award:  M. Reeves’ chocolate pudding

 

Hat Lore:  There ARE now hats, and they are blue!

 

 

 

(...back )