Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Search For Chess Grandmaster

Over At Last”

 

 

Sunday 14th May 2006

Result:  Lost by 20 Runs

Venue:  Holton

40 overs

R. T. Harris

171 - 7

N. Hebbes  2 - 23,  I. Howarth  2 - 28

FFTMCC

151 ao

D. Edwards  55,  M. Bullock  31,  I. Howarth  20*

 

 

 

The world of chess today awoke to the remarkable news that the search for reclusive chess master Adrian ‘Bobby’ Fisher was finally over. The American Fisher, who became World Champion in 1972 after defeating Boris Spassky in Reykjavik, was discovered serving behind the bar of The Railway in the quaint and drug-riddled Oxfordshire village of Wheatley by members of local cricket team Far From The MCC.

 

Fisher dropped from view in 1975 after failing to defend his title against the Russian challenger Anatoly Karpov, but unsubstantiated sightings have been reported ever since, in Japan, Hungary, Iceland, the Philippines, and the Marsh Harrier just off the Cowley Road.

 

 

The Mad survey a ground bigger than the Oval itself.

 

“Sure, he looks different,” said FFTMCC’s resident wood craftsman T. Smith. “He talks with an English accent instead of American. He has less hair, and he seems a lot younger than he should. I’d make him around sixty-five now, but he looks only early fifties. What’s his secret? Then when I asked him the best reply to e4 giving Black practical chances, he just said, what the hell are you talking about, if you don’t buy a beer I’ll turf you out of the pub you frickin’ idiot. The fact that he’s trying to conceal his identity says it all. After all these years he still doesn’t want to be found. Come home Bobby, come in from the cold.”

 

 

Ade “Crash” Fisher was spotted at the local.

 

Despite calls from the global chess community that Fisher return to active play, Far From The MCC captain and acid house composer I. Howarth said he doubted it would happen. “Look, it’s over thirty years since Bobby has played true competitive chess. He was a great player, perhaps the best ever, and so much of what he achieved symbolizes the Cold War struggle of capitalism versus communism, America against Russia, the power of individual genius and strength of spirit to defeat the implacable faceless machine. But his time has come and gone. Okay, so Kasparov has retired from active play, but the younger generation, your Topalovs, your Anands and Kramniks, they still have too much firepower for Fisher. In any case, he’s looking for a local cricket team to turn out for. We hear that he’s a useful wicketkeeper and batsman who can also bowl with a deceptive lobbing action. We’ll see if we can’t get him a game or two.”

 

* * *

 

Losing the toss and electing to be told to bowl on the unfamiliar Holton pitch, central to what was frankly a pretty darn big ground, The Mad made a good start against the ever-strong R. T. Harris line-up. The strip was slow and green and A. Mann (8-2-27-1) generally found the length and had the Harris openers groping, at last holding onto a sharp caught and bowled chance to dismiss the dangerous Y. Ditta for 5. S. Parkinson, on debut after recovering from the horrific back injury which saw him ruled out for the early season, gave an even better display, returning figures of 8-2-23-1 and snaffling R. Rana for 4.

 

 

Edwards (55) ground his way to an excellent knock.

 

Farooq soon went as well, to the No-Mad’s off-spinning wizard J. Hoskins (8-0-38-1), and at 60-4, RTH were in trouble. Though S. Rana made 59 and P. Bradley clubbed a brutal 36, they were never really in charge, and it took a late flurry from W. Rahman (10 no) and AK Dogar (23 no) to see them to 171-7. N. Hebbes (5-0-23-2) bagged a brace, and I. Howarth (7-0-28-2) was nigh unplayable when not trying to take off the batsmen’s heads. Behind the stumps, M. Bullock looked like he’d never been away, and in fact he never had been away, just fielding at mid-on, but once again the Mad were dropping chances in the outfield, although not M. Bullock – after the excesses of Cholsey the previous week, four more went down, though I guess that’s only half what England dropped against Sri Lanka at Lords a few days previously, so well done to us then.

 

 

Nick (with bat) watches the invisible R. T. Harris bowling attack.

 

Batting after a cakey tea, the No-Mad top order elected to explore the shift and bounce of the pitch, with N. Hebbes (3) doing minimal exploratory work, J. Hotson (7) a tad more, and the Mad’s second debutante of the day A. Cavanagh (1) hardly bothering to check it out at all. Soon 20 overs had gone. Too much exploration, perhaps? But M. Bullock (31) picked up the rate in a nice partnership with the anchoring D. Edwards (55), and the pair added 77 before a tiring Bullock lifting one over the bowler’s head in his mind’s eye seconds after the dangerous Farooq (6-0-33-3) had rattling the stumps.

 

When the steadfast Edwards went with the score on 113, smashing the ball into the outstretched paw of a diving P. Bradley at short midwicket, there was still plenty of batting to come, and The No-Mad were in with a sniff of their first win over the home team since time began. It was uncommonly pensive and quiet in the RTH ranks, as they don’t often lose. But S. Parkinson (7) gloved one up to slip, and M. Westmoreland (3) was certainly unfortunate to be run out at such a crucial time with only the entire game in the balance. Spectators on the boundary were so far away at the time, it was impossible to say who was to blame. With Westmoreland gone, it remained only for the tail to droop, as A. Morley (1) and J. Hoskins (2) soon departed. When A. Mann (5) went on 151, the Mad needed another 20 off 9 deliveries, and I. Howarth was left stranded on 20.

 

It was impossible to say who was to blame.

 

 

Saj (R. T. Harris) wonders what our antipodean finds so f*cking funny?

 

* * *

 

Quote of the Day: “If your end was so bloody dangerous, how come it was me who was run out?” M. Westmoreland enquires after a run out involving his skipper.

 

 

‘Blocker’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. Bullock for his fine 31 and good keeping

Champagne Moment:  A. Mann’s caught and bowled

Buffet Award:  M. Westmoreland’s lamb Rogan josh

 

Hat Lore:  There are as yet no hats

 

 

 

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