Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Edwards Grinds Out A Win

As Reevsie Has A Bat”

 

 

Sunday 3rd September 2006

Result:  D. Edwards Wins

Venue:  Pembroke College Sports Ground

Single Wicket Competition

 

 

 

Club Day.

 

The date in the FFTMCC fixture list where the club celebrates itself, celebrates another year of cricket, and celebrates all things fun and interactive without the pressures of a competitive match. It’s a day where the girlfriends and wives can turn out, babies can cry from their prams on the boundary, people get drunk, and Kev the groundsman poisons us all with the rubbish he cooks on the barbeque. In short – Club Day is fun, or at least that is the idea. But like any organised fun event, they also require support from all who take part. Last year worked as a combined event with the OU Offices, but previous years had been less successful due to low numbers. How would this year pan out?

 

 

The Mad population was rather small on this day.

 

By 15:30 things were looking pretty grim at Pembroke College Sports Ground. Not only had a large bulldozer sat it’s arse in front of the to-be renovated pavilion thus making surroundings look more like a refuse site, but there was also a distinct scarcity of Mad population milling about. In fact, due to the shortage of numbers, the barbeque had been brought forward to afford people more time to arrive.

 

Apologies for non-appearance:

 

S. Dobner  -  due to his beloved and Amie D being struck down with a nasty cold, our favourite Essex boy stayed put. Scandalous when you consider it is but a mere 150 mile round trip to our home ground.

 

G. Littlechild  -  no communication as far as his absence was concerned, so one can only theorise as to what happened to him. Maybe he was serving a detention at his local school? Maybe an extra delivery of vegetables needed to be sold on his stall? Either way, our run machine failed to show.

 

G. Carter  -  poor old Geoff, now he really did have a good excuse. His recently acquired pickup truck was nicked outside his house late Saturday evening and used in a robbery in Bicester. Alas for Geoff, it also contained his cricket kit – though we do wonder where his priorities lay?

 

R. Hadfield  -  Scottish wife (his own words).

 

D. Shorten  -  we believe his absenteeism was down to involvement in an under-5’s football tournament in his back garden. How Dave could possibly participate is beyond us….

 

 

T. Smith  -  Thornton’s relocation to Bridport in Dorset could probably be accepted as a relevant excuse, however he is adept at hitching and 2 of his team-mates were with him on the Saturday night….

 

N. Hebbes  -  the Mad’s very own beer-swigging Cheesite has been labouring us with excuses all year about working in Albania, working in Germany, working in Russia etc etc. We are yet to see any proof of these working trips, so one can only speculate as to where Nick was on this particular Sunday….? The North Pole maybe?

 

S. Parkinson  -  the Mad’s own Enforcer has been parading a succession of excuses out recently after knackering his knee whilst kicking the shit out of  two 11 year old bag-snatchers in London. Not to worry, our second Cheesite still found the fitness levels to manage a charity cycle ride across Poland and half of eastern Europe the week after!

 

E. Lester  -  okay so he’s been living in New Zealand these past 18 months or so, but you’d have thought a former founder of the club would’ve made the effort?

 

B. Mander  -  too busy getting ready for the arrival of his first child in St. Ives. 

 

 

Glorious weather was in evidence for Club Day.

 

Apologies for late arrival:

 

I. Howarth  -  setting less an example, but more of a distinct lack of respect for Club Day, our current skipper rocked up to the ground over 2 hours late with stories of a car not starting due to seaside damp whilst visiting hobo T. Smith for a weekend on the piss in Bridport. Pathetic.

 

M. Clarke  -  hitched a lift with the skipper for the weekend jaunt in Bridport (though he probably didn’t), and therefore used the same pathetic excuse as Ian. At least we’re used to not having Billy around….

 

J. Hotson  -  a legendary entrance some 5 minutes shy of 17:00, Jake ambled onto the pitch looking like an extra from Night of the Living Dead without a care in the world. Again, at least we’re accustomed to Mr. Hotson’s poor timekeeping.

 

Apologies for being crocked:

 

A. Cavanagh  -  now at least the QC turned up! Albeit moaning about a one-inch scratch to his torso that he claimed was inflicted by a machete wielding maniac in lawless Grove one evening….

 

….so, as you can probably gauge from the sarcasm therein, Club Day suffered as per usual from a distinct lack of apathy and another low turnout.

 

* * *

 

Not to be deterred, and having arrived at the ground with a game plan of launching the much maligned Single Wicket Competition* should numbers be small, the gentlemen of the Mad drew names out a hat and decided on the order with which to bat. A. Cavanagh, crippled as he was, was entrusted with the joint responsibility of both umpiring and scoring, and after getting his head around the myriad of rules and regulations, performed his roles admirably as the day went by.

 

 

“He picked the seam.” Lied Billy.

 

Deciding on the right tactics for the day was obviously paramount to one’s success, but because of the infancy of the competition – those chosen became more of a personal choice. A. Mann would opt to club everything out of Pembroke, but in doing so lost his wicket twice and barely registered a score. M. Clarke would further confuse his team-mates as to how he ever managed to notch a half-century on tour a few years ago with some distinctly average shot selections, whilst J-Mo would nudge and nurdle his way to a respectable score until he was caught.

 

I. Howarth entertained as he swiped one delivery high over the sightscreen, but he then ran out of gas and limped through his final over. A. Small would chip the ball into space and run like his name was Mr. Steroids, and M. Westmoreland would bat out of character and play with caution in mind (huge sighs of boredom from the clamouring female spectators). A. Morley gave catching practice to a cordon of mid-offs, M. Bullock would suffer stage fright and barely hit the ball off the square, whilst D. Edwards was served up some suet pudding to splatter into the railings by the train track.

 

 

Goose Man plays down the ball tampering row.

 

So, after all this excitement, the men of the Mad took stock and surrounded their Top Gun umpire demanding he work out the ramifications of all the dismissals and runs scored to see who was presently winning the competition. It transpired that Dan had a sizeable advantage due to his hat-trick of wickets, catch, and the runs he accrued whilst depositing Jake and Warnie to every bush surrounding the pitch. All that was left was for something special to happen when either J. Hotson or M. Reeves strode to the wicket for their turn with bat. Jake would entertain yet barely threaten, but Reevsie would give it one hell of a go – in fact he slapped an incredible 44 runs off his 3 overs to rue the fact he’d remained wicketless all day. He also raised an eyebrow in the direction of his skipper as if to underline the fact he COULD bat, and that to have a BAT would be REALLY JOLLY NICE once in a while – if at all possible.

 

 

“And the winner is…. ME!! Did I tell you I topped the averages too?”

 

And that was that, as the shadows lengthened across the Pembroke turf and the cricket season was officially declared over, D. Edwards was declared the winner of the Mad’s inaugural Single Wicket Competition with an impressive total of 54.

 

*  -  see Rules.

 

 

‘Late of Cowley’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

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