Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“FFTMCC Triumphant
In Pembroke Baking Competition”
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Sunday 26th
August 2007 |
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Result: Won by 16 Runs |
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Venue: Pembroke |
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35 overs |
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FFTMCC |
164 - 9 |
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I. Howarth 66,
M. Reeves 30*, A. Fisher
23 |
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Cholsey |
148 - 9 |
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A. Fisher 3 - 25,
D. Edwards 3 - 27 |
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Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye, Two and twenty cricketers Baked in a pie. It has been a strange summer of cricket for the Mad, a disjointed
season of rain and stolen motorbikes, of missed matches and floods, and now
the news has come that the Mad have lost Pembroke, their spiritual home for
seven years, cruelly ripped away from them by shadowy college string-pullers
and money men who care little for the game of cricket, and why should they
when they can earn a few more bucks by hiring the ground out to Japanese
summer students for sunbathing on the square? Maybe turn the fucker into a
golf course, they like that in
“This pie doesn’t
cut the mustard, Kev.” But with the Mad’s days there all but over, this was the last time
they would face Cholsey on the Pembroke turf. The sun was out when Mad
skipper I. Howarth won the toss, and still shining when he walked to the
wicket with D. Edwards, fresh from a catch in the slips four days before, the
home birth of his second daughter, Daisy. Opening the bowling Damirchi (0-22)
and Sargeant (0-13) for Cholsey probed and gave little away, but the watchful
Mad opening pair built steadily, and cashed in when Nathaniels (0-34) came on
first change. It was only when Cholsey skipper Andy Chapman brought on his pie men
that things began to change. Though not strictly authentic pie, Haigh (3-27)
was able to combine the use of deft spin with a fine selection of flans and
quiches and clean bowl three of the Mad top order through the gate. Edwards
fell first, after a watchful 14. N. Hebbes (4) was next, his equilibrium
disturbed by the sub-continental style appealing which was going on all
around him, then G. Carter went for a duck, all playing around the turning
ball. Meanwhile, A. Small (7) had run himself out through what seemed like
sheer enthusiasm and a rampant desire to gallop willy-nilly down the pitch no
matter what. “Yes!!” he cried, setting off with bewildering speed after
hitting the ball straight to the close fielder. “No!” replied I. Howarth
slouching indifferently at the non-striker’s end, and it was A. Small,
The Mad collapse
mid-innings in the face of Cholsey pie (not cheese). Keeping it simple, Chapman brought on Hough (3-32), usually medium
pace, but today bowling pie due to an injury. His appetizing array of apple
turnovers and bilberry tarts saw the Mad lose 3 wickets on 109, with skipper
Howarth launching himself at a jam donut on 66 and finding himself stumped.
It was another important knock from the Mad skipper, who is having a fine
time of it, and might well have notched his second century of the season had
not the greed for pastries seduced him into recklessness. Now Matt Bullock
(0) eyed up a cream bun and was out bowled, after which M. Clarke (0) soon
followed, top edging a pastie to square leg. The Mad were collapsing, five
wickets in five runs, a familiar tale and one with seldom a happy ending. But M. Reeves and A. Fisher (23) had other ideas. Making 55 for the 8th
wicket, they saw off the cakes until in the last over left-armer A. Chapman
(pie) put himself on a hat trick, with Fisher and J. Hoskins (0) snatching
too keenly at the chicken and leek lattices coming their way. One ball left,
and Chapman had more pie in the larder, and A. Mann coming to the wicket.
Mann is having his worst ever season with the bat, though it is difficult to
muster much enthusiasm for it from the No. 11 spot, where facing just one
ball is a real treat. More by luck than judgment he raked his back foot
across the stumps to keep out the final plum pudding as it pitched outside
leg and rolled daintily towards middle. M. Reeves remained not out on a timely
30.
Pie Man A. Fisher
(23) is well versed in the Way of Pie. The Mad had dragged themselves up to 164-9, and after a tea of sweet
and savoury pies, went out to bowl in their turn. In defiance of the pie men,
who clamoured for an old piece of smeared red leather, cut up and bruised,
with which to bowl, a shiny new ball was taken. A. Mann (7-2-0-14) made the
mistake of bowling line and length and found himself frustrated by the
batsmen who by and large opted to play him correctly and build towards
victory. N. Hebbes (4-0-21-1) threw in the occasional éclair, and was
rewarded with a wicket as M. Clarke took a nice catch at point to dismiss The visitors were cruising at 68-1, but Mad skipper Howarth had a
trump card up his sleeve, and knew that the Cholsey team were ever partial to
a bit of meringue and chocolate roll. Bringing on D. Edwards (7-1-27-3) was a
master stroke, and his combination of dipping length balls mixed in with
banana cake and ring donuts brought a creeping doubt into the minds of the
Cholsey batsmen. As Edwards took control and spun his web of pies, Sargeant
(24) succumbed lbw, and the belligerent Nash (33) and Damirchi (18) were not
long in following.
J. Hoskins ended
with pie on his face after not treating it seriously. The difficulty with pie is the time it takes for the ball to arrive
after leaving the pie man’s hand. For decent batsmen who like hitting out,
that moment of decision can come too late. They know how to defend the
quicker ball, or instinctively dispatch the fast loose one. But the pie man
taunts them with his dainties, which look so inviting as they loop slowly
through the air, and too often they grasp eagerly at the sugary offerings and
find themselves caught on the boundary or bowled for their greed. Encouraged by his success with Edwards, Howarth then turned to A.
Fisher, and the game was as good as over. An acknowledged Master of Pie, who
has taught many a young Pie Man his craft, a bowler who is Pie Aware, a man
whom some believe knows fully the secrets of the ancient and mysterious Way
of Pie, Fisher began with a series of treacle tarts, then moved on to a
sequence of donut-lemon sorbet-donut. With hardly a break to consult his
recipe book, he unleashed the Bakewell Tart and two or three gingerbread men
in quick succession, lobbed in a couple of cupcakes, then finished off with
the dreaded sausage roll. After which Cholsey found themselves all but lost,
with Chapman (26), Gilbert (0) and Clayton (2) all back in the pavilion. Man
of the Match Fisher finished with 3-25 from 5 overs. The Doyen of Pies had
struck again as he had so often before.
M. Clarke (0)
hates pie, but Joe Puppy and Billy Puppy love pie. Indeed so shell shocked were Cholsey by this assault and bakery that
M. Clarke (1-0-9-1) was able to pick up a wicket with a decent delivery,
before M. Bullock (0.3-0-2-1) came on and wrapped things up, bowling
Nathaniels for 2 with a wobbling blancmange. The Mad had won by 16. Possibly they deserved to win, and possibly
Cholsey did not deserve to lose. But the real winner on the day was pie. ‘Blocker’ |
*
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No
Fines on this Day |
MOTM: A. Fisher’s
fine all round display
Champagne Moment: N. Hebbes’
catch at long off
Buffet Award: M. Reeves’