Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Back To Reality

For The Mad Collective”

 

 

Sunday 20th July 2008

Result:  Won by 4 Wkts

Venue:  Stratford Brakes, Kidlington

35 overs

Wootton & Bladon

126 - 6

JP. Collins  3 - 30,  A. Darley  2 - 26

FFTMCC

127 - 6

M. Westmoreland  71,  D. Edwards  27

 

 

 

After the regal opulence of last weeks visit to Blenheim Palace, it was down to earth with a bump this week as the Mad played hosts to the Fat Boys of Wootton & Bladon at Stratford Brakes. Well I say Mad, it was in fact more of a Mad collective, a kind of umbrella organisation including waifs and strays from former teams. Representing the former Marlborough House was D. Edwards and M. Reeves, and representing the soon to be former OU Offices were A. Darley and JP. Collins.

 

Skipper I. Howarth had clearly thought long and hard about tactics in advance. What would the fat boys like? – pies, and who is our pie provider extraordinaire? – Adie Fisher. Unfortunately Adie considered a Saturday night on the piss incompatible with a Sunday afternoon’s cricket (surely English cricket would cease to exist if that view was widely held) and therefore a late replacement was required – thanks to JP for stepping into the breach.

 

 

Dan – the ball is behind you!

 

I. Howarth had been placed in charge of the club house (lunatics, asylum?) and the first task was navigating the burglar alarm system. A visit from Kidlington’s finest was narrowly avoided as he punched the correct combination with only seconds to spare. The skipper then lost the toss (of course) and we were in the field (of course.)

 

S. Dobner opened and bowled tidily (6-0-17-0) for little reward. At the other end A. Darley (7-1-26-2) was causing problems and soon had one of the openers fishing outside off. The OU Office combination appeared to be working perfectly as a chance flew to JP at second slip, but oh no - it was spilled. As they say “you can take the boy out of the OU Offices but you can’t take the OU Offices out of the boy.” Welcome to the team son, you’ll fit right in.

 

First change saw the appearance of one time batsman but now wannabe bowler I. Howarth (7-2-15-0). At the other end JP. Collins had a disastrous first over, but recovered well to post a very respectable 7-1-30-3. M. Reeves (5-0-27-0) was introduced to see out the last seven overs with his nagging left armers, but the radar was off this day and he served up a series of bakewell tarts for the fat boys to gorge themselves on. S. Dobner was therefore returned and somehow he appeared much more at home on the wastelands of Kidlington than the manicured lawns of Blenheim (you can take the boy out of Essex, but you can’t take the Essex out of the boy) he even took a catch. At the other end J. Hoskins (3-1-10-1) kept the run rate down at a time when W+B really should have been accelerating, thus a gettable total of 126 was posted.

 

 

Nobody envisaged the Mad collapsing from this position… other than themselves.

 

The only real disappointment of the ‘Mad collective’ fielding was the performance of M. Westmoreland behind the stumps, deputising for regular stumping appealer and batsman bater G. Littlechild. Despite donning a pair of bright orange gloves, at no time did he question to ownership of any lines and his appealing was muted to say the least. You can put the boy into Essex, but you can’t put the Essex in to the boy. However this gentile approach baffled W+B to such an extent that a sporting 3 LBW decisions were given, fair play.

 

Tea. With the match halfway through the real contest was about to begin, a real clash of the titans! In the red corner, the massed ranks of the Fat Boys, in the blue corner Adie Small. It was a mismatch; they didn’t stand a chance, Adie won by four ham sandwiches and a swiss roll.

 

The Mad collective innings opened with D. Edwards (27) and M. Westmoreland (71). They saw off the opening bowlers and were moving along nicely, both looking in good touch, when Dan was rapt on the pads. J. Hoskins had no hesitation in raising the finger. Jake, sitting in the scoring box with the window closed, claimed he heard the sound of bat first. J. Hoskins, 100 yards of windy field and half an inch of Plexiglas closer was adamant, Dan had to go. The Cobometer was hastily assembled on the boundary, and when Dan arrived the needle was hovering somewhere between ‘massive’ and ‘Steve Parkinson proportions’.

 

 

Martin (71) was clearly at fault for not shepherding the tail (starting at #3).

 

Martin, sensing what was to come, immediately realised that Wootton were into the Mad tail and that the number three batsman would need shepherding. Number three turned out to be Adie Small who arrived sporting a pair of ice skates. On setting off for his first run he attempted a triple salco with split in the middle of the pitch before diving several feet short of his ground. Fortunately Wootton took pity / were laughing too much to effect a run out. Their charity did not extend long however and Adie was caught (0) soon after.

 

A. Morley (4) played a nice little cameo (Word Up) and Jake (1) was foiled in his attempt to get the most ducks in a season ever, although no one can quite remember where that run came from…? James (5) then arrived at the crease to restore some stability to the mad tail. Then disaster, fully 13 runs short of the total, M. Westmoreland was out. With only 5 wickets remaining, this was going to be a close finish.

 

At this point Reeves (0*) the next batsman was still scoring. He dashed from the score box and started a ‘getting padded’ race with I. Howarth, the prize being a bat at number 7. Howarth, clearly ahead, turned and could almost see the tears welling in the eyes of his team mate. “This could be my last chance this season” cried Reeves “what with your ridiculous selection policy keeping your best batsman (M. Reeves and A. Mann) in the lower order.” Howarth relented and Reeves walked out to bat. But still the drama wasn’t over, Wootton had been timing since the fall of Westmoreland and the three minutes were nearly up. They counted down as he sprinted to the crease (although technically don’t you just need to make it on to the pitch?) Would he make it, or become the first player ever to be timed out for the Mad? Find out in our next thrilling episode….

 

He made it.

 

Just.

 

 

The Bench of Cob (left to right):  didn’t bat, shocking ‘plumb’ lbw, and a duck.

 

J. Hoskins received a peach from S. Poole, which bought to the crease I. Howarth (5*) - a man woefully out of form at the moment. His innings was encapsulated by one ball which looped gently down, about three feet outside off. Howarth swished wildly at it, only to see it balloon off the top edge. Fortunately, once again Wootton were in benevolent mood / were laughing too much / had too much inertia to overcome to move forward from the slips in time, Howarth survived.

 

So the Mad collective had done the double over one of the yard sticks we judge ourselves by. A good game played in a good spirit.

 

 

‘Cloughie’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

MOTM:  M. Westmoreland’s fluent 71

Champagne Moment:  M. Westmoreland’s straight six (non-agricultural)

Buffet Award:  M. Reeves’ chocolate chip buns

 

 

 

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