Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Mad Tourists Show True Fighting Spirit

Through Fog of Injuries”

 

 

Sunday 16th August 2009

Result:  Won by 8 Wkts

Venue:  Legbourne

35 overs

Legbourne CC

138 - 5

S. Dobner  2 - 17

FFTMCC

140 - 2

D. Edwards  50,  N. Hebbes  48

 

 

 

Here I am embedded in the MAD nest in a pre match warm up as I peer over the top of my cider and take in the atmosphere for a piece of Gonzo journalism fitting for the debauched scenes being witnessed.

 

Most MADsters here are regaling from the night before. Some are cackling endlessly at the ravishing tales from antics thus far. Others hang their heads at the bar getting ready for the final effort to get them over the finishing line that is the Tour Marathon.

 

 

The final pub stop of the Louth Tour 2009.

 

Shorten's gambling education continues as he hears of the poker showdowns in the Barns the night before. Bear witness readers - he has a lovely family, kids, house and woods right now. I only wonder how long before all is lost and he lies in a gutter humming Louth songs covered with long paid off builders invoices as the only memory from the happy days….

 

It's clear Jake the Kettle has had little sleep through four days as he mumbles into his lager and studies the bramble scratches on his feet gained from cross country pissing the night before. Sir Gonzo Leggarte the Towel Headed Church Spire Terrorist giggles quietly to himself in the corner, still struggling to get the visions of Jake falling down the ditch out of his head. Westmoreland, resting skip, peers out of his one good eye at Dobners recalcitrant shin splints witnessed by Reevsie who looks on in what can only be described as… despair.

 

 

Church Terrorism – Gonzo style.

 

Good job the Ambassador of the tour is here again then, fresh from Organ removal and a smack on the temple (with helmet) While fraternising with the opposition a war cry goes up “Five minutes and out t’ pob” Five minutes? Time for another pint then.

 

Skipper for the day is Thornton Smith - one of the few uninjured members of the team and a fitting draw winner for skippership with this being his 100th game for the MAD. A feat possibly due to being a Tour Veteran who knows how to surf the waves of organised chaos jumping from one social swell to the next before she breaks and deposits the suckers who continued onto the beach.

 

A thirty over game is called - to preserve what aching limbs we can and ensure an early departure homeward bound to cradling mothers and wives. A sigh of relief spreads throughout the ensemble.

 

The Fennel is called upon with some interesting results given the track is artificial. The main thing apparently, coming from the Fennel Meister, is that she stands. Hebbes raising both arms aloft in exultation exclaims “She Stands YES! Trouble at both ends!”

 

 

Evidence of Hebbes’ insanity has been forwarded to the Mental Health dept.

 

Opposition for the day is Legbourne Cricket Club. Great Chairman, great swings and great barbeques all squeezed in between fields of rolled hay and a housing estate providing target practise with their over-sized satellite dishes protruding from their un-netted vantage points.

 

Legbourne win the toss predictably and once more into the breach we go.

 

Surprisingly I witness here some exalted spirits. Dead cat bounce maybe. The Team raising itself as one for one last monumental effort. The bowling attack starts well with opening bowlers Reeves (6-1-25-1) holding a great line and length for the first over to castle the swinging Oliver (6) who tried to hit every delivery from the off into the surrounding countryside. Shorten (5-0-10-0) from the Satellite Dish end extremely economical deliveries to the Ambassador Parkinson (31) who was playing for the opposition in some form of diplomacy role. Progress was slow for the opening three bats and this only continued when Hoskins (6-0-24-1) was brought in with his wily spinners bowled with creaking, possibly broken digits.

 

Parkinson's wicket fell to Hoskins with a genuine faster ball getting an edge to the ever watchful ever safe Edwards at first slip. Legbourne's innings accumulated slowly with some healthy partnerships but slow partnerships nonetheless as the onlooking crowd near the hutch started to get restless.

 

 

Definitely the last day of tour….

 

Getting off to a flyer in the home run game seemed to act as a pain killer for various injuries as Howarth overcame chronic back injury to keep for thirty overs and even Dobner (4-0-17-2) managed to overcome the pain of shin splints and thrown out arms by getting two top Legbourne wickets of Grist (50) and Wilkinson (22). When Howarth bagged the final wicket to fall off the skip Thornton's (1-0-9-1) bowling the final tally only just reached 138 - an eminently gettable target.

 

Tea is consumed with flair - Legbourne sportingly provide a barbeque which the MAD stare at quizzically due to the fact that there seems to be enough bread for all of the meat and what is that strange green salad like stuff. Bizarre indeed.

 

Back to the scoring hutch we wearily tread to witness the MAD batting line up attempt a famous tour victory.

 

The innings starts extremely positively with D. Edwards (50) and N. Hebbes providing a much needed solid batting opening. A partnership builds as the run rate required comes down nicely following late cuts and cover drives from the changed man Edwards. Hebbes joins in too, and when sledged by the Ambassador Parkinson fielding in slip for the opposition, the champagne moment is destined. “Bet you can’t hit the ball into the scoring hut” Parkinson gloats with that cheeky caricature grin. Very next ball Hebbes rises to the challenge and despatches one over the bowlers head for a one bounce four straight into the dark recesses of the pavilion. If this was Champagne it would be Krug Clos du Mesnil 1995.

 

Right there right then, we all knew we really couldn’t possibly lose this game.

 

 

D. Edwards celebrates his 42, and then his fifty.

 

Edwards continued in his drive towards fifty finally succumbing to one which probably kept low. Excitement on the boundary seemed to be rising somewhat for finally Hebbes was coming into his own for the Fantasy Cricket points – much needed by those in the pack chasing the runaway leader – possibly the best Fantasy Manager the MAD has ever had.

 

Hebbes was fast approaching his fifty before, much to the utter despair of everyone watching who have Hebbes in their Fantasy Teams, he skied one into the safe hands of the Legbourne Keeper on 48.

 

Enter Shorten, unleashed to the centre strip like a rabid Tiger hungry to sink its teeth into the nearest Antelope. Huge swings followed, and huge sixes are hit – one reaching far over the local basketball field and fortunately striking an upstanding conifer tree and rebounding back into the ground otherwise the ball would surely have been lost somewhere North of Cleethorpes.

 

 

Skipper T. Smith (right) watches his team canter home.

 

Needless to say the required runs were soon struck up, just the two wickets lost and Dobner (1 n.o.) and Shorten (22 n.o.) saw the MAD home with 4.3 overs to spare.

 

The MAD return back to the home pub for one last refreshment and presentation to Stevie P for exemplary organisation skills to provide what must surely go down in MAD history as being possibly one of the best tours the MAD has ever had – until next time of course.

 

 

‘Hoskers’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto's Scorecard

No Fines on this Day

 

 

MOTM:  D. Edwards’ entertaining knock

Champagne Moment:  N. Hebbes’ boundary into the pavilion

Buffet Award:  T. Smith’s tasteless vegetarian pasties

 

 

 

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