Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“The WCPFHM”
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Sunday 2nd
August 2009 |
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Result: Won by 2 Wkts |
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Venue: Brasenose |
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35 overs |
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Wootton & Bladon |
134 - 6 |
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D. Shorten 3 - 8,
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FFTMCC |
138 - 8 |
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I. Howarth 58,
A. Darley 20 |
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Imagine
a small black box, about the size of a shoe box. It’s made of an early form
of black plastic, Bakelite perhaps. For its size, it’s immensely heavy. On it
is a small needle display, going from green to red, and two tiny LED lights.
It has a retractable aerial, like on a radio and two thin spidery wires
coming from it. It is a distant and more ancient cousin of the cobometer.
This is the ‘wecouldpossiblyfuckitupfromhereometer’. Also known as the
‘wcpfhm’. It sits in front of the pavilion and is silent.
The ‘wcpfhm’ is just out of shot
by the Brasenose pavilion. Blue
fluffy white clouds and some sunshine welcomed the arrival of the fat boys of
Wootton and Bladon. Howarth was in optimistic mood. “Moo has won the toss in
about the last five matches, he’s bound to lose it today.” This presumably is
the alternative to “Moo has lost the toss in about the last five matches,
that useless tosser is bound to lose it today”. So it was and Moo did lose
the toss, although not a bad one. On a drying pitch it was a marginal decision.
We were in the field. First
up was D. Shorten (7-3-8-3.) Anyone with him in their fantasy team was again
rubbing their hands. He has been a consistent high performer this season who
again didn’t disappoint. At the other end was D. Emerson (6-3-13-0.) Dave was
suffering a bit, having been at Bridge Club last night. Making the contract
of three no trumps from the South position to win the final rubber in the The
game was only five overs old, when who should arrive? Was it the ghost of WG
Grace floating in from the boundary? No it was Crash, having overslept. Overslept
for a 2pm start, impressive mate.
“Yeah, the puppy is down to a
trim 16 stone now. Sure smells, though.” On
a slow pitch W&B were struggling, scoring only six runs off the first
seven overs. First change was S. Dobner (7-1-24-0) and M. Reeves (7-0-36-1.)
Dobner bowled very tidily, nothing loose from the Emerson
was holding up remarkably well in the field. Often he would see three balls
coming towards him at once. Stopping the middle one proved a good strategy,
although when it increased to four balls, things got interesting and comic.
A. Darley (6-0-30-0) and
“Mum told me we didn’t buy any
pies from Tesco’s?” D.
Edwards (16) and M. Westmoorland (3) opened the Mad innings. Things were
proceeding smoothly when Darley, batting at 5, pronounced “I hope we lose
some wickets soon, I fancy a bat today”. With this the ‘wcpfhm’ sparked into
life. The two LEDs came on red for five seconds and then went out. The needle
twitched into the amber zone before returning to green. The very next ball
our skip was castled. Howarth now replaced him. The former skip playing with
much more freedom this year, unencumbered with the role of captaincy. Crucial
to this contest was over 19, where 17 runs were scored, massive in the
context of a low scoring game. One
fortunate feature of the Brasnose pavilion is that the balcony is in
permanent shade in the afternoon. Team and spectators therefore didn’t have
to endure the blistering temperatures in the high 60’s experienced out in the
middle. Despite evidence to the contrary, it must have been hot, otherwise
why else would first Edwards and then Howarth call for drinks after only 30
minutes of play? Get on with it you dehydrated jessies. Soon
after the 50 partnership, Edwards (16) was also bowled. Dobner (1) shone
briefly before getting a low one. With a big stride forward he was hit on the
back knee, on the ground. Moo had no choice but to give it. So Darley (20)
got his wish and strode to the crease. Howarth played confidently for 58
including a straight six which plugged into the soft turf just in front of
the sight screen. He was eventually out playing a little too freely, but had
set a very strong base, at 102 for 4, surely, surely we couldn’t fuck it up from here.
I. Howarth (58) nurdles to leg. At
119-4 things were going fine. After being out of bed for nearly four hours, A.
Fisher (14*) was just about hitting top gear. The W&B scorer was heard to
comment “not far to go now, only 16 needed”. Cue rueful smiles from several
Mad players. Then suddenly the ‘wcpfhm’ again kicked into life. There was a
sound like a lathe starting up. Both LEDs came on red and then turned green,
the needle moved firmly into the amber. Darley was promptly bowled by our
long standing chum and principal fat boy S. Poole. Out
came M. Clarke (4.) Bowl, swish, thwack, four. Bowl, swish, miss, bowled. The
‘wcpfhm’ emitted a low hum, the two LEDs were now flashing alternately and
the needle was touching the red. It calmed down as D. Emerson (0) walked out.
You should have aimed for the one on the right Dave. We know there were now
five balls coming at you, but trying to hit all of them was never going to
work. The ‘wcpfhm’ was now vibrating, the lights were flashing red and green
and the needle was firmly in the red.
A. Fisher (left) can only look on
in horror as the Mad collapse. Next
up M. Reeves (2.) A tickle behind and he was gone, 128-8. Surely, surely,
surely. The needle of the ‘wcpfhm’ was now off the scale, it was shaking
violently and there was a smell of an electrical fire. W&B
scorer “six overs left, only six needed, should be no problem”. Two wickets
man, two wickets, it’s ‘Reevsie’ |
*
MOTM:
Champagne Moment: D.
Shorten’s wicket with slower ball
Buffet Award: M. Reeves’
soggy marshmallow pudding