Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

“Radio 5 Live Covers The Mad”

Tuesday 28^th July 2009
Result: Won by 6 Wkts
Venue: Magdalen College
20 overs
St. Clements Strollers	119 - 4
I. Howarth 1 - 4
FFTMCC	123 - 4
D. Shorten 41, D. Edwards 35*

We now go over to the Radio 5 Live commentary team at Magdalen College for the much anticipated Twenty20 match between the St. Clements Strollers and the Far From The MCC….

Aggers: “Good evening to our listeners, and I’m happy to report the weather, albeit grey, is dry, so play should get underway as soon as the Strollers arrive.”

Boycott: “This is ludicrous! How can a host team not arrive at the ground on time?”

Aggers: “I believe there’s been a problem near Wallingford on the approach road – several of their team come from that direction.”

Boycott: “Nonsense. I woulda bloody walked rather than turn up late.”

“Thorn, you know my hero Boycott is here today, right?”

Arlo White: “I thought it most generous of the Mad skipper, Mr. Westmoreland to allow the Strollers the opportunity of batting first - especially after he won the toss. Very chivalrous of the chap.”

Boycott: “Bloody idiot! What’s the point in winning tha toss if you’re just gonna let the oppo do what the hell they like? The blokes a moron.”

Aggers: “JP Collins to open the bowling from the Mosque Road End, and it seems Collins’ line and length is to the particular liking of J. Higgs – he’s just been picked up and deposited against the sightscreen for a fine six.”

Boycott: “Opening bowler? Collins? My grandmother would score runs against ‘ee! Hell, she could use her walking stick to hit it.”

Arlo: “Shorten would appear to be much more disciplined from the Marston Road end. He seems to be enjoying some in-swing in these overcast conditions.”

Boycott: “Aye, shame that lump (Fisher) behind the wicket can’t bend his back and stop ‘em. This could be a right bloody ‘ammering with the rubbish Collins (4-0-35-0) is chuckin’ down. If he halved his run up it’d still be 50 yards too bloody long.”

“C’mon, everybody! Lets dance like a twat!”

Arlo: “That’s a tight single that Nick Warry has called his partner for – this could be interesting with a direct hit!”

Aggers: “Superb! That’s a fine piece of fielding in the covers from Hoskins – Higgs (26) has gone.”

Boycott: “That were plain daft. Why on earth would you take a single like that when you’re travelling at over 8 an over? Absolutely senseless.”

Aggers: “Ahh, the next man in, Lee Davie – he used to play for the Mad. A fine artist at the crease.”

Arlo: “Yes, Lee is a proper man’s cricketer with a sound technique.”

Aggers: “Oh, looks like he’s trying for a quick single to get off the mark… again, this could be rather tight!”

Arlo: “Splendid fielding at fine leg by Emerson, he’s hit the stumps direct – I believe Mr. Davie (0) maybe short of his ground….”

Boycott: “Dear, oh dear, oh dear. Where did Lee leave his brain this evening? My three legged dog could run faster than that. Pointless run out.”

Arlo: “Yes, the St. Clements Strollers are making rather hard work of this, they now find themselves at 39 for 2 in the 6^th over.”

Aggers: “Mike Reeves (4-0-23-0) taking over at the Mosque Road End, and he’s bowling a tidy line and length from left arm over the wicket.”

Boycott: “Av’ seen more penetration in a nunnery, this guy wouldn’t have had my grandmother sweating if she were batting with a stick of broccoli.”

Arlo: “A double change with Dave Emerson (4-0-25-0) replacing Shorten. Dave’s languid approach to the crease a fine example to the younger generation.”

Boycott: “There’s nothing ‘appening out there. It’s easy. You could blindfold me and I’d get a fifty. Emerson? Should a’ stuck to making music – crap music n’ all.”

Arlo: “Ohhh, and Warry has skied one to Hoskins in the covers! Simple catch this – straight to him.”

Aggers: “He’s dropped it! Hoskins has dropped it, and Warry gets another life.”

Boycott: “Awful. That Hoskins couldn’t catch a cold. What’s wrong with him? Dear, oh dear. I’d give the game up if I dropped catches like that. That were embarrassing that were.”

D. Shorten (41) has read Moo’s excellent “Guide to Cow Corner”.

Aggers: “Looks like Warry (36*) has retired hurt, he seemed to pull up taking a single in the previous over.”

Arlo: “Yes, unfortunate end that. The Strollers will hope young S. Warry can keep on pushing the score along as he was been.”

Aggers: “And another bowling change with Hoskins (3-1-14-0) replacing Emerson. It’ll be interesting to see if this pitch takes spin?”

Boycott: “Spin? That Hoskins couldn’t spin a coin on a table – he’s an up n’ down pie man. ‘Help yourself’ as they say.”

Aggers: “And after Shorten’s (4-0-14-0) final over at the Mosque Road End, it’s going to be Howarth (1-0-4-1) bowling the penultimate over to young Warry (43), who has impressed us all with his diligence and array of strokes.”

Arlo: “Yes, it’s been a lovely knock from the young chap – ooh, he’s bowled! He was trying to go down the track and Howarth has yorked him.”

Boycott: “19.3 overs for a decent yorker – rubbish. This lot need to get back in the nets and learn tha’ trade.”

Arlo: “And so St. Clements have posted 119-3 after their 20 overs, a somewhat disappointing total given their start.”

Aggers: “Yes, I thought the Far From The MCC pulled this game back very well towards the end. In particular, I wonder how important that run out of Higgs may prove to be?”

Boycott: “7 wickets left in the bank? Playing for the bloody averages that lot. Aye – Higgs’ run out was pathetic – he should be ashamed of himself.”

A fine unbroken stand of 80 for D. Shorten and D. Edwards.

Aggers: “And so we have a quick turnaround here, what with the light becoming more of a concern; and the Mad require the sum total of 120 runs for victory in this their first encounter against the St. Clements Strollers.”

Arlo: “Yes, an interesting total to chase, Aggers – largely dependent on the quality of the St. Clements’ bowlers. It looks like we have Edwards and Shorten opening the batting.”

Boycott: “I like Edwards. Man after my own heart. None of this wishy-washy rubbish you see in limited overs cricket these days, just a nice solid defensive technique and true grit.”

Aggers: “Hmm, but his game may not exactly be suited to this form of the game?”

Boycott: “Nonsense. That’s exactly why you have a slogger like Shorten at the other end. He can pinch-hit to his heart’s content, whilst my man Edwards plays some proper sensible cricket.”

Aggers: “The visiting team have got off to an excellent start here. Edwards is pushing the ball around for singles here and there, whilst Shorten is opening his shoulders.”

Arlo: “Fine shot! Shorten has picked one up off his leg stump and pulled it into the tennis courts for a maximum.”

Boycott: “That were a slog. He’ll take the plaudits, but it’s Edwards’ clever rotation of the strike which has had the bowler lose his line and length.”

Aggers: “The Mad have now passed 50 and the runs are coming at quite a pace.”

Boycott: “This isn’t proper bowling! You could hand the greengrocer a melon and have him cause more problems than there is out there.”

Arlo: “Ooh, it looks like Mr. Edwards (34*) has retired (hurt) with the score on 80. I say, a very generous decision in light of the home side’s principle of no retirees.”

Boycott: “Excellent innings. I’m only sorry I’m going to have to watch a procession of sloggers bring them home now….”

The case of the mysterious levitating ball.

Aggers: “And he’s gone! Thornton Smith (2) bowled whilst having a go.”

Boycott: “Awful. That were just a wild swipe. I’ve seen more technique in a cripple falling out a wheelchair.”

Arlo: “And another one, Aggers! Reeves (0) has spooned his first ball into the covers, and there maybe a little wobble here?”

Aggers: “Quite, Arlo. And there’s another! Shorten’s (41) fine innings comes to an end after a shot too many. Bowled, and very much game on.”

Boycott: “There were 50 for the taking there. Batsmen of today just don’t value their wickets. Not like my man Edwards.”

Aggers: “And the light really is getting quite bad here. New batsman Martin Westmoreland has played and missed quite a few times out there.”

Arlo: “Yes, Aggers – a good job that stalwart Adie Fisher is keeping the scoreboard ticking over with some lusty blows.”

Aggers: “Oh, there’s a mix up… and Fisher (14) has gone! Ran out by a direct hit. Well, a trifle unlucky I thought.”

Boycott: “Unlucky? If he took his hand-brake off he coulda made 3 out of that. Dreadful piece of running.”

The Mosque Road End forming a rather interesting backdrop.

Aggers: “The light really is very bad now, and I can’t quite see who is actually playing out there anymore…?”

Arlo: “I believe James Hoskins has scored a run. He’s obviously struggling to see the ball too.”

Aggers: “Some lovely shots there from the skipper – the scores are level!”

Boycott: “Lovely? He tried some orthadox shots and failed. So he’s had a moo and lucky for him they’ve come off.”

Aggers: “And that’s it! Westmoreland (21*) hits the winning runs, and the Mad have won by 6 wickets.”

Arlo: “Yes, an excellent win for them, and it maintains their unbeaten run in July.”

Boycott: “Not bad. Although my interest dipped after Edwards retired. I’m off for a beer wi’ im now. See ya later.”

‘Radio 5 Live’

*

Statto's Scorecard

No Fines on this Day

MOTM: D. Shorten’s runs and tight bowling

Champagne Moment: J. Hoskins’ run out of J. Higgs

Buffet Award: JP Collins’ Aussie canapés

(...back )