Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“Mad’s Army”
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Sunday 14th
June 2009 |
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Result: Lost by 207 Runs |
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Venue: Tetsworth |
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35 overs |
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Tetsworth CC |
358 - 8 |
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J. Hoskins 4 - 63,
A. Darley 2 - 41 |
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FFTMCC |
151 ao |
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I. Howarth 57,
D. Edwards 48 |
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They stood, arms linked, deep in thought watching the wildflowers
blowing gently in the wind. United together in memory. The boarded up shed,
peeling up vc windows and a deserted Volvo, hinting to the sacrifice of the
fallen. Senseless bloodshed all those years ago….
The guns sound a salute at the same
time every year. * * * 2009. Captain Mooboy held council in his tent. “Right chaps, we need a
plan. We all know that it could get very messy, and us officers will need to
make tough calls.” “Indeed…” quipped corporal Darley, procurement - in war
casualties is inevitable.” “Collateral damage…” chirped Anzac Emerson whilst
sipping another dakari “if the natives get restless, we may have to advance
at nightfall. Full frontal daytime assault would surely be suicide.” “Agreed,
suicide….” mused Moo. “Best I try to negotiate….” “You want to bat, man? Cos if you do what you want to do, we don't need to throw a coin.” Surely it was too simple, an
elaborate calculating smoke screen. Moo dithered, his Ampelforth education
(hidden) didn't allow for a change in the rules of engagement. “I say, this is cricket, not despotism. I call tails.” “Ok man, no sweat. Then we
bat, but I'll give you time to clear out da women n’ kidz.” Opening exchanges went well. Darley and Emerson finding their range.
Private Hebbes taking a glancing blow to the wrist but Mad lines holding.
Some return fire from opposition Jackson with a local hostelry suffering some
shrapnel. Lieutenant Hoskins, hairdressing, arrived into the action having
recently had a vehicle upgrade. Hoskins promptly felled the opposition
captain with a flighted delivery, “it came out of da sun man, it was slow,
real slow” whispered he to his
stretcher bearers. “Use da Shallow….”
Introducing “da Shallow”…. “Ere, Dobner?” “Yes, Howarth?” “What's da Shallow?” “Don't know mate,
but cap will look after us, he promised I'd be back playing with me
young-uns in “Right lads, change of attack. Hoskins has tweaked a freckle and needs
a rest. I want you to go over the top, take out da Shallow. Officers Emerson
and Edwards will cover the flanks, medic Bullock will be on hand to give
support, but remember medics aren't involved in the fighting, they just laugh
a lot - good for morale.” "Yes, sir - what's a Shallow?” “Sorry chaps, urgent call from
blighty, just need to retreat to this secure underground bunker for an hour
or so - any issue change with Hebbes, he's expendable too, I mean dependable - toodle pip!”
H. Shallow’s defensive genius is there
for all to see…. Privates “Twinkle” Dobner bowled 5 conceded 79, 1 wicket. Will be
missed. Ian “Spamley” Howarth bowled 4 conceded 74 - hit 5 times
consecutively for 6 including once into the bar, his first nine deliveries
went for 50. Leaves behind a cat called Stimpson and a collection of empty
strong cider bottles. Nick “Titanick”
Hebbes bowled 3 conceded 46. Last diary entry, “Leggate stay on the boundary!”
All three buried in the drinks break. (O. Jackson 71, H. Shallow retired bored 182 no)
Hoskins, seeing the fallen, refused to let them die in vain. Manfully
mounting a rear guard offensive which yielded 6-0-63-4. Forcing the oppo to
flee before a five-for was on. Officers Darley and Emerson, returning now the
coast was clear, finished respectfully. Darley 8-1-41-2. Emerson 7-1-41-2. Tetsworth CC 358-8 off 33.2 overs.
Mr. Jackson takes time out from the
carnage. Captain Mooboy awaking from his comfy chair, deep beneath the earth's
surface, once again turned to his seniors. “Corporal Edwards, take what's
left of Hebbes and hold up an end.” Music to Dans ears, stoicism, back to the
wall, time to build a well crafted 48. “Howarth stop bleeding profusely and
get out there”, 57 quality runs - including a cover drive. “Excellent, excellent - we may have been cruelly dismembered, but a
moral victory and my final salary pension is assured… but what is this…?”
“It's turning sir!” “Turn, young man?, what?, actual spin?... not deep crust
hitting a divot?” “Yep, definitely turning sir, they're bowling yorkers too!”
Dobner - first ball 0. “I can take em….” “Grand show Leggate, grand show!”
First Mad run stroked down the ground, fist punching – “confirmed, actual
movement cap, didn't stand a chance” - bowled
Congratulating those that survived the
battlefield. * * * The wreath was laid, 207 poppies signalling the
margin of defeat, sitting pretty on a Shallow grave. ‘Titanick’ |
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MOTM: J. Hoskins’ 4-for in
the face of extreme hostile fire
Champagne Moment:
Buffet Award: