Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“First Victory For Captain Mooboy

As Cheesesters Mysteriously Fall Apart”

 

 

Sunday 3rd May 2009

Result:  Won by 10 Wkts

Venue:  Cholsey

35 overs

Cholsey

76 ao

JP Collins  3 - 11

FFTMCC

78 - 0

M. Westmoreland  50*,  D. Edwards  26*

 

 

 

Some days may be made for cricket, others may be made for May. In Oxford, it was clearly a cricket day. In Cholsey it was maybe May. The locals had assembled to celebrate spring with a traditional fete, stalls including the edam shy, pin-the-tail on the emmenthal and the ever-competitive fondu-a-thon. Highlight of the day was the bewildering concept of the fun run; the greatest athletes in all of Cholsey had been in training to compete for the titles of fastest man / fastest woman in Cholsey. Even the captives were given a shot at freedom in the fastest not from Cholsey - liberals! Such sporting endeavour played out as a splendid backdrop to the cricket….

 

 

A sensible 2009 ensemble represented the Mad on the first Sunday of May.

 

Mooboy strutted to the middle convinced' that as Daniel had foreseen, today would be the day of the lion. Having lost the toss on a lion-less coin, Cholsey elected to bat.

 

Opening for the Mad was surely the fiercest opening bowler ever to arrive on a Hovis bike (with basket), D. Shorten and his new ball, new opening Aussie JP Collins. Shorten (5-1-16-1) bowling a tidy spell including the wicket of in-form opener Davis, caught behind (some say off a thick pad) by new gloveman J. Hotson. Hotson's unkempt languid style and developing facial hair will serve him well if he decides to continue keeper education - a MOTM display with a visual nod to Knott, Russell and Downton. Collins plugging away on a good length was soon rewarded with an excellent delivery that rattled the timbers of attacking bat Fareez. Hitting the deck consistently appears to be preached at the academy as Collins wrapped up another two, including the dangerous Chappers (1), to finish with excellent figures of 3-11 of only 4 overs. His mentor A. Mann looking on with a mixture of pride and envy.

 

 

Turning up to games looking like a dick is now a real accolade.

 

Opener M. Horton (6) had begun setting himself for the attritional innings that is often the precursor for a total at the cheese bowl. Wrapped plumbish on the pad by Shorten, the ball limped to D. Edwards at slip. This being not yet the 10th over and Edwards not yet in the no-field / I wonder what's for tea / which opening partner will let me down today zone -  launched an exocet smashing the stumps and leaving the Cheester stranded and out. Edwards banking high over the stumps before buzzing the length of the wicket with the traditional send-off, fielding genius. Reassuring the fielding equilibrium would be restored as Dobner / Howarth took shelter from an attempt at the stumps conceding four of the best, Hebbes ran head first into a swinging arm from Collins who was immediately put on report and the slip cordon started to pick the diving header as the block of choice to any stray delivery.

 

 

Daniel was finding it hard to shoulder the blame for continued coin toss losses.

 

Old(er) ball support arrived in the form of D. Emerson (6-1-15-0) who, for a while, threatened to play genuine cricket with a tidy spell. As former mad skipper E. Lester will tell you, good bowling seldom gets wickets at this level and so it proved - unlucky.

 

Spin twins J. Hoskins and T. Smith replaced the pacemen as Cholsey batsman Jagadish (17) began to settle. Hoskins bowled with nouse, varying his pace and using his experience of conditions to secure an excellent haul of 5-0-16-2. Chappers bowled for a second time (as the hosts were short) was left groping at a delivery which seemed destined to stop time itself. Smith, resembling a right arm Phil Tuffnell was no less effective. A couple of early flans were dispatched to Berkshire but once 'Merlin' (the new nickname his shameless propaganda machine had been touting around south Oxfordshire all winter) had steadied himself, the Cholsey lower order were powerless to respond. T. Smith 2-0-14-2.

 

Vice captain Dobner appeared late on to seize the buffet but even this backfired and he kept a fine line. Genuine all-rounder? 3-1-3-1.

 

 

Having done bugger all with the ball (and bat) – Dave got the beers in.

 

And so the Cheesters were skittled for 76 before 4.30pm - a different line up from those who posted 250+ on our last visit but something was missing from our hosts today? A disappointing score for the game but a promising start for the new Mad attack.

 

Turning swiftly around, new Mad skipper M. Westmoreland and opening specialist D. Edwards had a look then proceeded to cart the bowling to all areas. Mooboy, batting like a man who smelt his first victory went aggressively after the bowling. Customary weighty blows through the leg side were augmented by a genuine cricket shot for 6 over extra cover, or in the World of the Moo - a reverse cow. Edwards also playing in one-day style reached the dizzying heights of a run a ball finishing on 26no. Mooboy milked, smeared and hogged the strike to post an impressive 50no, giving our new leader an average in the 50s which according to Boycott, means he's world class especially as they were made on uncovered, unmown pitches - Yorkshiremen always stick together. Mad total 78 off 10.2.

 

 

“Well batted, Moo – it’s all about you, mate. All day.”

 

So, it was all wrapped up before tea, before Emerson could insult my 'stray' dog and before Mel could convince Daniel that no lion exists on a one pound coin. A fine tea it was, chapati, cake, Stella and sandwiches - coleslaw (no cheese), egg (no cheese), ham (no cheese) - in fact no cheese at all. Could it be that a tactical error had been made? Maybe the village had left themselves over-stretched and their team suffered - expect a dairyload to turn up at Brasenose for the rematch.

 

 

‘Titanick’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

Bonus:  "The Return of the TFC Spotter"

 

Bonus:  "The Mushroom Inspector"

 

Statto's Scorecard

Match Fines

 

 

MOTM:  J. Hotson’s excellent display behind the stumps

Champagne Moment:  D. Edwards reactionary run out

Buffet Award:  T. Smith’s vegetarian pastry

 

 

 

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