Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“Timms Guides Team Home
In Record Run Chase”
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Sunday 1st
August 2010 |
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Result: Won by 4 Wkts |
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Venue: Brasenose |
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40 overs |
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Wootton & Bladon |
195 - 7 |
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T. Smith 2 - 15 |
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FFTMCC |
196 - 6 |
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M. Reeves 64, |
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The
Far From The MCC signed off their
“A job advert? Sod that, I’m
enjoying doing fuck all these days.” After
the curtain came down on a pulsating encounter, Mad debutant and hero, G.
Timms was quick to face the assembled media. “Gentlemen, when my agent D.
Emerson contacted me, and suggested I ply my services with a bunch of
alcoholics masquerading as a cricket team, I was initially sceptical; but then
having met the Mad management down the local pisser, I was left in little
doubt there was only one Sunday
club I wanted to play for” he started. “Their skipper, Moo, persuaded me that
I would bring much needed vim and vigour to their arthritic fielding, and my
nerveless batting could be a real boon at the death. He also got me wankered,
that helped too - but I have to say, I never did envisage having such an amazing debut – it was wonderful
bringing the team home to victory. I can’t imagine a more fantastic day.”
D. Emerson throws a ball at the
back of Pooley Senior’s head. Earlier
in the day, M. Westmoreland continued his rich vein of form in successfully
losing the loss. Without a moment for thought, his Wootton counterpart
decided on having fist crack on hard if grass topped track. It initially
looked like an err in judgement, as D. Emerson (7-2-24-1) and D. Shorten
(7-1-16-1) extracted plenty of life in nipping out Poole Jr for a duck, and M.
Westmoreland (7-1-25-1) bowled some useful balls before the final delivery of
each over was twatted for four. J. Hoskins (5-0-35-1) bowled some useful
balls, but unfortunately saw quite a few more of his deliveries twatted for
four. Debutant G. Timms (4-0-30-1) erected a fast food outlet utilising C.
Roberts’ (2-1-15-1) expertise, and together they ran out of hot dogs and
burgers in the space of 6 overs. This despite a courier sent to the nearby
Co-op to acquire more meat and seeded buns.
D. Shorten retrieves some more
Mad pie from the boundary. It
was all becoming rather doughy, and Wootton skipper, N. Hambridge (52),
celebrated his fifty in style by lumping a ploughman’s lunch over orthodox
cow. Things were tidied up a little towards the end, as the Mad turned to
veteran pieman D. Edwards (4-0-28-0), and novice understudy T. Smith
(4-0-15-2). The pair bowled with a certain degree of control, and only a few
times did they leave the pies in the oven too long. Wootton eventually
totalled a rather bulky 195-7 off their 40 overs, and many in the Mad ranks
were already grumbling about “shit fucking bowling giving these village
hillbilly’s too many bloody runs”. Time
for tea, and the Family Dobner did us proud, with a distinguished spread that
had our portly opposition licking their lips. Injured superstar, Stevie D,
naturally watched on as his missus did the majority of everything, but he at
least had the decency to galvanise himself out of his deckchair to take the
plaudits. With a team nickname - “The
Fat Boys” - you would expect a robust effort come the mid-innings interval,
and I am delighted to report that Wootton gave an exemplary performance; save
for a few token crumbs which Joe Puppy snaffled.
The Fat Boys award their skipper
a pink hat for his eating ability. It
is a minor curiosity as to why Wootton & Bladon are called “The Fat Boys”
these days, especially amongst the newcomers to the Mad ranks. A quick glance
at their personnel and only a few of their number are actually wide of waist and bulbous of paunch. The name was
handed to them some seven years ago* during an ill-tempered match in Bladon,
and it’s stuck ever since; even though their more rotund members have long
since left. Mud sticks, huh? And likewise, fat is hard to lose. On
resumption, the majority of the Mad team pulled up a deckchair, made
themselves comfortable, and hid behind a newspaper or Sunday magazine. They
were preparing themselves for the usual snoozefest of an opening partnership
in lieu of such an imposing target, soon to be followed by the inevitable
collapse and desultory defeat and cobbing thereafter. Incredibly, today was
to be very different. Maybe Kim had laced the rather tasty fruit cake we’d
all eaten? Or maybe she only laced the seven eighth’s of the cake the Fat
Boy’s ate? Either way – wonderful things happened.
D. Edwards helps get the Mad
innings off to a flyer. D.
Edwards and Mr.
Reeves had been enjoying a purple patch with his new bat of late, and was
seeing the ball like the size of his head – which as anyone will tell you, is
of considerable proportions. Mike joined Dan at the crease, and in no time
was smiting the ball to all corners of Brasenose. It’s not that the bowling
was bad, it’s just that ‘Ol Big Head really is in that zone at present. Anything wide – wallop! Anything straight –
wallop! Anything anywhere – wallop!
Enjoy the trip Mike, these patches of purple come along all too infrequently
for us batsmen.
Amazing – the Mad innings showing
some impetus early on. Edwards
(40) was eventually caught off a high full toss as tried to pull it onto the
deck of his nearby barge, but he’d help push the score along to 127. This
total was then furtherly pushed along to 171 as a salivating D. Shorten (15)
joined the fray. At this point it looked like the Mad would canter home, but
there was a slight sting in the tail. T. Smith (1) went from hero to zero, M.
Reeves (64) was triggered by some dubious umpiring from Step
forth one Gareth Timms. Having been nudged up the order due to M. Bullock’s
mental disintegration in the face of such unbearable pressure, Gareth grabbed
the opportunity to cement himself as the club’s chief finisher in tight-match situations. He began by swiping his
bat at thin air, knowing the ball was missing his stumps, and then drove powerfully
through the vacant skip cordon to register his first run for the team. It was
exhilarating stuff, and Timms (1*) was chaired from the pitch by an average
protecting J. Hoskins (0*), who was quick to tell anyone who was listening
“that was the greatest run chase that this team has ever seen!”
“Wow, Mr. Timms – you really are
the real deal! Good shit, dude.” A
fitting way to round off a most enjoyable home season at Brasenose. A banquet
of runs, a large portion of wickets, and a star is born. We salute you Gareth
“Michael Bevan” Timms. ‘Spam’ *
- Match report from 10th
August, 2003. |
*
ne
MOTM: M. Reeves’ fifty
Champagne Moment: M. Reeves’
six over mid on
Buffet Award: C. Roberts
and G. Timms’ vanilla sponge cake (with custard)