Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Revolutionary Ten Man Cricket

A Failure In The Keble Mud”

 

 

Sunday 29th August 2010

Result:  Lost by 74 Runs

Venue:  Keble College Sports ground

40 overs

Oxenford CC

177 - 6

D. Emerson  2 - 11

FFTMCC

103 ao

I. Howarth  25,  M. Westmoreland  17

 

 

 

Following a dip in popularity due his lack of enthusiasm in ordering club hoodies and beach shorts, M. Westmoreland struggled to find a full team for Sunday’s inaugural game against Oxenford CC. Both the Gary’s pulled out citing illness, whilst club legend A. Morley was a late withdrawal after being nicked mixing 67 pints of beer with a quick spin in his motor. Even the ever reliable Mander’s were uncontactable, and a quick plea to the other 800 people on the Mad’s email list failed to cough up a single volunteer. So ten it was.

 

 

“Hmm. Mike Clarke – no mobile number. Fucking surprise there then….”

 

After another successful loss of the toss, Martin opted for an off-side heavy field to complement the leg-side bowling of D. Emerson and I. Howarth. Neither looked particularly dangerous on a pudding of a pitch, and as Ian ran up the hill and into the wind, the heavens opened and players retreated back to the pavilion with the hosts becalmed on 27 without loss.

 

 

Another beautiful summer’s day in Oxford….

 

The rain was quite heavy, but it did eventually relent enough for play to resume. The pudding was now more akin to paddy field, and the ball, once firm to the grip, now resembled a ball of seaweed. Evidently New Zealanders are more familiar to all things wet (sic), as Emerson (8-4-11-2), largely innocuous before the break, bowled with renewed vigour as he sent Dines (13) and Audley-Miller (0) packing. Westmoreland (8-0-34-1) then got in on the act with some dibbly dobbly stuff to prize Mills out for 10, but largely things were heading in Oxenford’s favour due to the confident nature of their skipper, T. Hampton. Tim was obviously experienced with batting in a quagmire, and he nudged, flicked and nurdled his way through the gears in guiding his team towards the hundred.

 

With less than 10 overs remaining, the Mad were quite optimistic they could keep their opponents to a relatively meagre total. Unfortunately a diet of head high beamers from T. Smith (3-0-34-0), pie and egg flan from J. Hoskins (4-0-21-1), and more legside dross from Howarth (6-0-29-1) ensured this was not the case. Oxenford totalled 177 for 6 after 40 much to the bemusement of themselves and everyone else. Time for tea and plenty of food for thought (sic).

 

 

Dan (right) discovers the joys of food.

 

In an obvious charm offensive, Martin stripped D. Edwards of opening the batting and auctioned off his spot to the highest bidder. There were no takers as the guys were less than eager to wade out to the middle in their angling boots. As such regular night watchman Dave “Jimmy Anderson” Emerson was thrown to the lions. He managed to rebuff a few mud pies before one caught the edge of his bat and he departed for a well constructed nought. M. Reeves (5) didn’t fare too well either – failing to get a bite using a myriad of bait, he eventually got one that deviated onto middle stump just above his boot laces. This brought Edwards into bat with the obdurate I. Howarth and together they pushed the Mad total past 50. It was far from easy out in the middle, but the regular opening combo at least showed some signs of knuckling down. A shame then when Edwards (12) flailed at a wide one and spooned it to point, and just a few overs later Howarth’s (25) castle was toppled after Barty (8-2-15-2) did him with an arm ball.

 

 

J. Hotson sweeps a ball at the keeper’s bollocks.

 

66-4 quickly became 68-6 as S. Dobner (6) and M. Bullock (1) sank in the swamp, and only Martin’s (17) rearguard efforts with J. Hotson (9) saved the Mad frigate from a somewhat premature capsizing. Eventually though, both were bowled and matters were made worse by Howarth triggering J. Hoskins (2) after the pie-man extraordinaire apparently stepped to leg before the ball trickled onto his pads. Howarth was having none of it, and Hoskins followed his Mongoose back to the hutch to rant about eyesight, injustices and Ian being a cock.

 

 

A despairing Martin (centre) holds his fruit in shame.

 

The Mad were all out for a measly 103 with T. Smith left marooned on 0 not out. Number eleven didn’t participate, and E. Xtras (26) would later be calculated to have been the team’s best performer with the bat (again). It was a sorry 74 run defeat and another sorry performance coming on the heels of a tour.

 

Ten men simply doesn’t cut the mud. Note to skipper: simply must do better, or at the very least become more popular.

 

 

‘KP’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

ne

 

 

MOTM:  J. Hotson’s excellent keeping display

Champagne Moment:  J. Hotson’s fine stumping

Buffet Award:  T. Smith’s vegetable soup (with wholemeal baps and butter)

 

 

 

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