Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

“Hoskins Costs His Side Dear

As Higgs Polishes His Ego”

Thursday 15^th July 2010
Result: Lost by 30 Runs
Venue: Magdalen College
15 x 8 ball overs
St. Clements Strollers	171 - 4
C. Roberts 2 - 37
FFTMCC	156 - 8
I. Howarth 30, P. Mellor 16

Catches win matches, or so the saying goes. Sure, they certainly help, but a direct run out is just as effective. Cast your mind back to the Ashes series of 2009, and with Australia threatening to make a fist of a world record run-chase in the final test, Andrew Flintoff produced a moment of magic in the covers to run out Ricky Ponting. It was a pivotal moment in the game, and in the end it proved decisive. Equally as memorable, and infinitely more significant, was James Hoskins’ run out of master strokeplayer J. Higgs in last year’s T20 fixture against the St. Clements Strollers. Mr. Higgs, a dashing and cavalier batsman, famed for smashing crap pub teams all around Oxfordshire, is the lynchpin of the Strollers’ outfit, and with their self-imposed non-retirement rule, at least until you reach the hallowed three-figure milestone, his innings generally dictate the outcome of any match played against them. James’ direct hit with one stump to aim at was quite exceptional, and it led to an improbable Far From The MCC victory, with Higgs 74 runs short of his usual score.

“It’s like this James. Run Higgs out – we win.”

Fast forward nearly a year, and how times can change…. Martin’s winning of the toss didn’t change, nor did the fact that St. Clements batted first – a result of most of their side being late for the game (again). And actually, the first few overs of the match weren’t too different either, with Mr. Higgs climbing into the Mad bowling and dispatching it into hedgerows and surrounding villages. But, what was different was James Hoskins’ inability to run J. Higgs out. Okay, he never had a chance to achieve this method of dismissal, but it was his lack of engineering an opportunity with saddened his team mates. “C’mon, Hoskins” they all cried at various intervals, “pull your fucking finger out man, run this dude out!” To no avail. James just could not repeat his famous feat of a year ago. It says “failed” on his homework submission.

M. Reeves (right) passes M. Bullock on the way back to the hutch.

Bowlingwise everyone got a firm rogering, although J. Pearson (2-0-10-0) was accurate up front, and D. Edwards (2-0-11-1) was miserly at the death; it was the filling in the sandwich which took the bite. Mike Reeves’ (3-0-41-0) arse was rather sore after his stint from the Mosque End, as was M. Westmoreland’s (3-0-37-0) backside from the Fallen Sitescreen End. Chris Roberts (3-0-37-2) posterior was positively crimson, but he did come back well towards the end of his spell after Higgs had retired; and poor ole Hoskins (2-0-27-0), the target of most of his teams’ bitching and moaning, saw a couple of pigeons taken out mid-flight as his bowling disappeared into the nearby tennis courts (his derrière was a plum colour). All in all, the carnage wouldn’t have looked out of place on a gay porn channel (not that this reviewer has ever watched it I might add).

Higgs eventually raised his bat in the eleventh over, and was mobbed by his team mates after retiring back to the pavilion to count up his sixes. The Mad took stock, tidied things up, and left themselves a mere 172 for victory.

I. Howarth swings and misses in the early exchanges.

In reply, in the gathering gloom, the left-right combo of Reeves (11) and I. Howarth (30) gave the Mad battlewagon a firm shunt from behind. Early boundaries were regular, and hopes were high. Unfortunately, G. Savin hadn’t read the script, and caught both of them without moving a muscle. M. Bullock (10) provided a nice cameo, as did D. Edwards (13) who momentarily revived spirits with a fine six over long on. Mellor (16) struggled a little against bowling from adults, and Doc Mander (0) reminded us what a nice chap he is by stepping in at the last minute – unfortunately he also reminded us of how age affects your skills. Hoskins (12) redeemed himself a little with an enterprising knock, and J. Hotson (8) had the audacity to loft the ball over the covers to everyone’s delight. In the end though, the Mad fell 30 runs shy of their opponents, as both Pearson (11*) and Westmoreland (7*) opted to protect their averages. Tall Bob, aka Mr. Roberts, carefully removed his pads as his services weren’t required.

Post match – hanging out with the Strollers.

An enjoyable game, of sorts; the Strollers once again providing a humorous and varied challenge. We look forward in earnest to our next encounter, where after the match is concluded, the scoreline will hopefully read:

Far From The MCC 2 v J. Higgs 1

‘Spam’

*

Bonus: "Tonking Inspector's Report"

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Statto's Scorecard

No Fines on this Day

MOTM: I. Howarth

Champagne Moment: M. Bullock’s sharp slip catch

Buffet Award: M. Reeves’ bacon sandwiches with tangy brown sauce

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