Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Bob And Bullock

Burst Apple Bubble”

 

 

Wednesday 28th July 2010

Result:  Won by 10 Runs

Venue:  Appleton

15 x 8 ball overs

FFTMCC

105 ao

M. Bullock  21,  I. Howarth  19

Appleton CC

95 - 6

D. Edwards  2 - 14,  T. Smith  2 - 15

 

 

 

After a spate of late arrivals by opposition teams contesting Twenty20 games in recent times, ‘Ol Big Head had surreptitiously seen a trend forming; that opponents were using this tactic as a way of taking advantage of the Far From The MCC’s generosity, and politely asking the Mad if it were possible to bat first until the rest of their team turn up. The advantages were clear – you weren’t fielding with a shortage of personnel, and perhaps more importantly, you get to bat first before the onset of gloom after 7.30pm. Taking stock of this, and perhaps feeling the strain of having to deputise as captain, juggle treasury duties, write match reports, score all of the team’s runs, take all the wickets, and maintain his day to day job - Mr. Reeves was less than understanding on this particular evening. “Look,” he explained to his opposite number “I’ve won the toss, it’s already dark out here; the fucking sun left Oxford hours ago, and I’m buggered if we’re batting second in the sodding darkness. So no, you can’t bat first, fuck off – it’s our turn.” And that was that. Maybe there was a more steely side to our Cloughie than any of us dared imagine? Maybe that protest vote* a few weeks ago was still lingering in his psyche? Either way, no one dared argue with him.

 

 

D. Shorten (left) is instructed by his skipper to BISH BASH BOSH!

 

Opening first in the oppressive gloom, I. Howarth (19) and J. Pearson (6) forged a decent 32 run partnership, before the former chipped a slower crap one to a grateful mid on. Howarth’s return to the pavilion was very low key by his own scale of bat-throwing tantrums, and his admission to a “poor shot” surprised many; particularly D. Shorten who was quick to exclaim “Howarth – not blaming the pitch! Or bad umpiring?! Jesus fucking Christ, I never thought I would.”

 

Following on from the coin toss controversy, the dismissal of P. Mellor for nought a few balls later brought further acrimony. This time the argument hinged on whether Paddy had actually scooped a golden duck, or merely a normalised duck. It was definitely a duck, nobody argued with that – the robust Mr. Mellor bowled through the gate by an adult. But did the wide he received first up count as a legitimate ball faced? Some said no, and some said yes; and if it was, then Paddy had scooped a silver duck and not a golden. It was agreed that nobody agreed in the end, and that the matter would be brought to a conclusion the following day after someone consulted the laws of the game.

 

 

“Hey, J-MO – is a wide a ball faced, or not a ball faced? I’m troubled.”

 

Herewith the findings:

 

“To be ruled a wide, the umpire at the bowler's end must judge that the batsman is unable to play a normal batting stroke at the ball from his normal batting stance. The umpire signals a wide by holding both arms out horizontally. A wide does not count as one of the six balls in an over, nor does it count as a ball faced by the batsman.”

 

Fascinating I’m sure you’ll find. Sorry though, Paddy – ‘golden’ it is my friend.

 

Back to the match, and with the vagaries of a bone dry pitch with only minor groundsmanship prior to the game, it was tough going out in the middle. The perpetually dark clouds which hovered overhead didn’t help either; nor did the lack of sightscreens at both ends; and if there were other problems in building an innings, then the Mad batsmen were quick to trot them out on dismissal….

 

 

A gaggle of Apples discuss Mad excuses for shit batting.

 

D. Shorten (13): “Jesus fucking Christ – how on earth can I construct a match winning innings in that darkness? I do wear glasses you know (silent cob).”

M. Reeves (12): “That looping pie-chucker out there should be outlawed. I looked an utter idiot swiping and getting out to that crap (sigh). How can one possibly see pie in the sky? Dark sky at that - I might add (deeper sigh).”

C. Roberts (0): “Second baller – shucks, still at least it wasn’t a golden, huh?” (cheeky grin)

I. Leggate (6): “Ran out again (sigh). How can you run in the dark and know where you are going? I struggle to run anyway – at least not in a convincing manner. Utterly preposterous.”

J. Hoskins (0): “I’m far better than that. I always have to face the best bowling in the worst of the light. Bloody typical. And I never have time to play myself in. Bloody top order have it easy (sulk).”

D. Edwards (8): “Sheesh, stumped by a grandad. It’s a new low in a week of lows. However batting me this low down the order is criminal. Reevsie should be brought to justice – it’s a disgrace. I’m a fellow Marlborough Boy for fuck’s sake! (dark cob)”

 

 

Skipper, M. Reeves, is castled in embarrassing fashion to a cream pie.

 

Unperturbed by the amateurish efforts around him, M. Bullock (21) was making sway as he swatted his way to his highest score of the season. It was great to see our Chairman enjoy some success with the bat, and will hopefully go some way in convincing him that you are only ever one innings away from some decent form. The Mad eventually realised an unsubstantial 105 off 14.7 overs, with T. Smith (0*) left stranded protecting his average. It gleaned a curious reaction from many of the Appleton team; some of them mumbling about it being “quite a tough ask”. So maybe this pitch had a few more demons in it that was initially thought?

 

After a cheap T-shirt sporting D. Shorten (3-0-21-1) rocked back C. McKno’s (1) timber, old stumpmaster general, Roger Gilkes (31*), guided the Appleton outfit to what looked like an assured victory in the deepening gloom. D. Edwards (3-1-14-2) on the other hand had other plans. Still smarting from his batting order snub, the venerable tree-surgeon extraordinaire threw down 3 overs of unplayable pie which smashed stumps in all directions. Just a shame the hound wasn’t there to witness his old man’s bowling renaissance.

 

 

“Haha – I’ve finally worked out how to tonk the damn thing!”

 

Scooping up the baton in the now near darkness, T. Smith (3-0-15-2) and J. Hoskins (2-0-16-0) continued with the barrage of well-baked patisserie, Appleton now slumping in the pastry on 79-5 with a mere 3 overs to go. Fortunately for them, that equated to 24 balls and not the usual 18, so still very much game on.

 

Entering the fray, and perhaps slightly surprisingly given recent tonkings, came one “Easy Bob” Roberts.  It was such a pivotal point of the match to produce your best spell of the season, but that is exactly what Chris (3-0-20-1) did. Combining his towering point of delivery with the moonlit trees behind his arm, the home team struggled manfully to get him away. Bob was ably assisted at the death by a returning I. Howarth (1-0-2-0) – the northern moaner perhaps galvanised out of bowling retirement due to the horrendous batting conditions. Ian’s miserly over of limping pace leaving Appleton requiring 19 runs off the final over for victory.

 

 

Bob takes guard, as D. Shorten tries to get out of shot to hide his T-shirt.

 

19 runs off 6 balls would have been a tall (ahem) order off Bob, but 19 off 8 balls was gettable; and despite D. Shorten dropping yet another catch in the deep, Roberts was able to reel off his over with Appleton stranded on 95-6. The Mad won out by 10 runs.

 

Easy, man. Easy. As “Easy Bob” Roberts will tell you.

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

*  -  Mike Reeves inexplicably failed to win the Man of the Match award after his match winning knock of 85 against Astons CC. It was deemed a response to his largely bitter match report a few weeks previous.

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

ne

Statto's Scorecard

No Fines on this Day

 

 

MOTM:  M. Bullock’s fine cameo with bat

Champagne Moment:  I. Leggate’s first out-field catch

Buffet Award:  J. Hoskin’s spinach lasagne (with extra cheese topping)

 

 

 

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