Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
“Sandra Watches Everyone Do Something,
As Her Boyfriend Stands Her Up”
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Sunday 4th July
2010 |
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Result: Won by 67 Runs |
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Venue: Brasenose |
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40 overs |
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FFTMCC |
196 - 7 |
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M. Westmoreland 44,
S. Dobner 43, |
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Wootton & Boars
Hill |
129 ao |
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T. Smith 2 - 1,
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Women.
Unfathomable, erratic, illogical, emotional and impossible to understand; at
least those are just some of the views that many men attribute to the
opposite sex. In return, women judge men as basic, retarded, insensitive and
cave dwelling – or is that just me? Conversely, none of the cricket team have
found a single fault in Ian Leggate’s newly acquired girlfriend – Sandra –
with the considered opinion in most quarters seemingly very positive; that
Sandra is “really friendly”, “chilled out”, “good company”, “laid back” and
“extremely easy to get on with”. Some of the guys have even gone as far as
stating she ain’t half bad in the looks department either; a view that this
scribe would certainly not want to argue with. So why Sandra found herself
watching a whole afternoon’s cricket on her own without the company of her
boyfriend is anyone’s guess…. More amazing is that she stuck it out to the
end – watching a group of unfit, injury ravaged alcoholics finally seeing off
their Boars Hill counterparts. That’s dedication. That’s one cool girlfriend.
Sandra at least had some familiar
company when the Mad batted. Utilising
a rare win of the toss, and backing research into a fixture where the team
batting first always wins, Mr. Westmoreland urged his Mad team to bat with a
modicum of intelligence, and finally set a decent total to defend. They
started brightly, with
Matt considers killing the umpire
after his dismissal. It
was perhaps a shame that Mr. Dobner (43) never made his half-century, as his
positive innings deserved it, but as is so often the case, the looping pie of
J. Rogers (5-0-27-2) caused Steve to flip a switch and swipe across the line.
B. Mander (9) added some useful runs, as did T. Smith (17*), who reminded all
that this guy can bash when his mind is right; but the real acceleration of
the Mad innings came from skipper Westmoreland (44), who was perhaps
unfortunate to find a scurrying D. Mills flinging himself on the boundary to
pouch a beauty. Comedy value was provided by J. Hoskins (2*) taking advantage
of D. Shorten’s toiletry requirements, and elevating himself up the order at
the expense of the latter. 196 for 7 off their 40 overs, and a darned fine
effort, especially in lieu of recent abominations.
S. Dobner (43) reaches for a
Harmison-esque wide one. Sandra
applauded the gentlemen off the field, and accepted the offer of a few bites
to eat. It was certainly welcome, as her absent boyfriend wasn’t there to take
her to a restaurant or café to buy her any lunch. The cricket on offer wasn’t
too bad, she thought, and with the sun poking it’s head out at various
intervals, reclining back in one of the many Brasenose deckchairs was
eminently put-up-able. T.
Smith: “Hi Sandra, Leggate not showed up yet?” Sandra:
“No. Not yet. I think he’s on the train.” I.
Howarth: “Which train?” Sandra:
“A train.” D.
Emerson: “Pathetic. I’d never leave my missus out to dry like this. What a
cock.” Sandra:
“Hmm. Nice catch, huh?”
A great cake, but after the Lemming’s
effort, it’s all downhill for Kim…. On
resumption of the match, Wootton hopes of a famous run chase were dashed by
the pace and control of the two Dave’s. Shorten (6-1-18-1), visibly irked by
his failure to get a bat, bowled with pace and gusto as he nearly decapitated
One in, one out – Smith passes B.
Mander to the wicket. Everyone
chipped in to be fair. S. Dobner (6-1-13-2) bowled with his now customary
miserliness, J. Hoskins (8-2-24-2) would have enjoyed more success but for
the ineptitude of the keeper, and even D. Edwards (3-1-5-0) turned his arm
over to amuse the spectators. Wootton’s plight was further effected by B.
Mander (3-0-26-1), as the leggie skewered a few passing pigeons with his hand
grenades; and all that was left was for the criminally underbowled T. Smith
(1.1-0-1-2) to make an impression, castling A. Barton (9) and D. Parker (7)
to leave the visitors some 67 runs short of their target. A good all-round
team performance in conclusion. Once
again Sandra dutifully clapped as the players from both sides shook hands at
the end of the match. Six hours this game had taken, and still no Mr. Leggate
to be found. With a sigh, she said some goodbyes and left; on a whim that
maybe Ian was in the
The view of the action from where
Sandra sat all afternoon. Ian,
if you’re reading this – you really are a plum; but thank you nonetheless for
at least providing the backbone for a match report of sorts. ‘Spam’ |
*
ne
MOTM: D. Emerson’s opening
bowling stint
Champagne Moment: D.
Buffet Award: B. Mander’s
Mancunian humus and pitta bread (with olives)