Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

“Spam On The Cob

As Leggate Serves Up 'Port'ly Feast”

 

 

Saturday 4th September 2010

Result:  Lost by 99 Runs

Venue:  Jesus College

40 overs

Portchester CC

237 - 9

D. Emerson  3 - 31,  C. Roberts  3 - 31

FFTMCC

138 ao

D. Edwards  34,  I. Howarth  33

 

 

 

On an evening when a kitchen fire in the post-match drinks venue of choice, the Rusty Bicycle, took all present closer to the ashes than they're ever likely to come, one abiding memory stuck firmly in the old Cerebral Cortex; that 'run out'. Almost worthy of its own separate report it saw the cob to end all cobs. The Farmer Giles of cobs if you will.  It was more Farce From the MCC as I. Howarth and D. Edwards met at the strikers end to have a lengthy discussion about whether there was a single available whilst the ball sauntered out to mid off - the only thing missing was the Benny Hill theme music. After an elongated version of the Geneva Conventions had taken place and it seemed no agreement was likely Howarth's temper, along with his willow, went AWOL. Batless and seemingly runless a disconsolate Howarth, whose demise was no doubt flashing before his eyes, had given up all hope of a reprieve. Then, in a gleeful twist of irony, the reprise itself came flashing before his eyes in a cricket ball sized shape that had been returned needlessly and flamboyantly from 10 yards away from the stumps way past them to a sparsely populated square leg region. Scampering back to the non-strikers end he’d vacated a few minutes previous like a wounded Gazelle across the Serengeti, Howarth was no doubt aware of the hysterical laughter emanating from the Hyena pack near the pavilion. A moment of sheer cricketing ‘genius’ had been witnessed by all as Howarth dipped at his crease a la Colin Jackson to keep his wicket intact.

 

 

Howarth whaps to mid off shortly before that near run out.

 

Anyway - to the actual match, though I use the word 'match' here in its most guised of guises. Amidst what was to be a weekend of gargantuan cricketing proportions for The Mad, and without beating around the (burning) bush, it is fair to say a pasting of biblical proportions was had at Jesus College at the hands of touring side Porchester CC.  Such a pasting in fact it made our lords treatment on the cross look like a pleasant day or two's sunbathing.  The day hadn't started too badly either for The Mad. When asked to bowl by the opposition, after Westmoreland decided winning two tosses in two days was 'just not cricket', wickets rained down like fire and brimstone at Soddom and Gomorrah. The damage was done as Emerson (6-0-31-3) and ‘Tall Bob’ Roberts (a career best 8-1-31-3) stamped their feet causing an avalanche of dismissals to leave the visitors 156-9 at the end of the 32nd over. Young I. Leggate (4-0-31-1) even got in on the action, bowling a couple of 6 ball overs; his biggest contribution was yet to come however….

 

 

Martin (left) escorts the opposition from the pub.

 

Hereafter, the plan was to allow the visitors to score a few more runs by offering the kind of pie that even an anorexic couldn't refuse. Whoa - not that many runs! Despite Westmoreland's (6-0-47-0) best efforts to restrict the late onslaught by bowling an unorthodox 'four bounce' line, he and Timms (buffet – 3-0-26-0) allowed the total to escalate rapidly, eventually reaching 237 off the 40 overs.  The late surge in runs (81* for the tenth wicket) was due in no small part to a junior member of Porchester's eclectic touring side (allegedly featuring an Albanian) smashing 40 off of a lot less balls than that. Things could have perhaps been different had Tall Bob not been caught 'shouldering arms' to a steepling catch - by different thinking, maybe 215 or something. The damage had already been done, and not just to Roberts' trapezius.

 

 

Portchester CC featuring an Albanian (front, second left).

 

And so to Leggate's crowning glory. Having taken a fair amount of flack for being dropped off by his mum and missing the change of end with alarming frequency the teeth quickly stopped chattering and instead began masticating away at the veritable cavalcade of delights on offer. The WI stand at Glastonbury (other summer festivals are available) would have been put to shame by the sheer variety of cakes on offer. A hat firmly tipped in Leggate's direction. With bellies more than full and a daunting target on the board the run chase began - the less said about it the better one might say. The ‘chase’ got off to a solid start with decent contributions from openers Howarth (33) and Edwards (34), but it seemed the calamitous near run out a few overs in had surreptitiously set the tone for the innings. With number 4 J. Pearson (1), number 5 T. Smith (2) back in the hutch before it could be cleaned out, and Gary 'Noah' Timms (6) intent on scoring 2 by 2, Mad soon found themselves 100-5 off 23 overs. J. Hotson (11) and M. Westmoreland (11) struck a few boundaries to a smattering of applause from the pavilion but by this point all hope had been cast aside, just next to Spam's bat. J. Hoskins (2) and I. Leggate (1) compounded the misery. Despite D. Emerson’s best efforts to get the run rate upped by hurling encouraging abuse at anyone and everyone who went out to bat, the Mad were reduced to 138 all out from 32 overs – David himself contributed a massive 4 runs. There were few positives to take from such an inadequate batting display, if any.

 

 

E. Jordan guests at number 11 for the Mad.

 

Fittingly for a match at Jesus College the Champagne Moment belonged to a Judas as the oppositions E. Jordan (9*), batting for the struck down C. Roberts, skyrocketed a stratospheric six to bring a little afternoon delight to the proceedings. When your team’s Champagne Moment goes to a member of the opposing team you know you've had a bad day at the office. Especially when the only other contender really was the ridiculous to the impostor's sublime. Could the The Mad resurrect themselves at Aston Tirrold on the Sabbath...?

 

 

‘Noah’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  C. Roberts’ 3-for

Champagne Moment:  E. Jordan’s huge six over deep mid wicket

Buffet Award:  G. Timms’ egg and bacon muffins (with HP sauce)

 

 

 

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