Far From the MCC fines 04.09.10 v Portchester CC (h) lost by 99 runs

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Edward J	Impersonating Eddie Jordan
	Failure to see team home
	Wearing chef’s trousers	Resembling a clown
	Average protection
	Excessive celebration	After hitting a six
	Impersonating Judas	Playing for us
	Cavalier attitude	“Bring it on”
	Doping fielders	Supplying booze to them all day
	Distracting Ian on boundary	Chatting
			£2.25
Dave E	Being an alcoholic
	Large cob	About being an alcoholic	50p
	Cob	As above
	Shouting abuse	At Dan whilst he batted
	Cheering a bye	To get Dan off strike
	Excessive padding up	Put pads on way in advance
	Moaning	About only bowling 6 overs
	Denial	About moaning
	Being the batsman’s bitch	4 . 4 . 6
	Harbouring dark thoughts
	Cob x 3		75p
	Sending Dan into depression	Consistent abuse
	Swearing at Fines Committee
			£4.00
Thorn	Comedy fielding	On boundary
	Happy in failure	At batting and bowling
	Drop		50p
	Smoking on the pitch		50p
	Drinking on the pitch		50p
	Denial x 2	About everything	50p
	Getting out to a crap bowler
	Pissing on sightscreen
	Harbouring dark thoughts
	Throwing cigarette	At Fines Chairman	50p
	Causing a pool of water	With piss
			£4.00
Jake	Impersonating Hannibal Lector	With Mask
	Impersonating a rock star	Long hair
	Stripping off	In public
	Crap wicketkeeping
	No nipple tassels	During strip
	No Speedos	During strip
	Streaker avoidance	During strip
	Failing to bring team home
	Haircut avoidance
	Thinking he’s trendy
	Smug
	Self entrapment
			£3.00
Ian H	Pulling hamstring	During comical near run out
	Abandoning bat	During comical near run out
	Drop		50p
	Large cob	During comical near run out	50p
	Giving up x 2	During comical near run out	50p
	Drinking on the pitch		50p
	Poor attention	When fielding
	Threatening Dan	During comical near run out
	Poor umpiring	Taking photos instead
	Comedy fielding	On boundary
	Being stuck in the car park	Before match (no code for gate)
	Large cob	On dismissal	50p
			£4.25
Gareth	Batting out of crease	Stumped
	Claiming he was wandering
	Over exuberance	In field
	Impersonating Pearson	With youthful vigour
	Giving a shit
	Failure to get a grip	During Fines Committee
	Failure to see team home
	Scoring only in 2’s
			£2.00
James H	Cob
	Failure to pick spinner	When batting
	Dissing team x 10		£2.50
	Looking confused	And dumb
	Self importance
	Failure to bring team home
	Drinking on the pitch		50p
	Microwave abuse	“I’m not bringing a fucking microwave to the ground!”
	Hairdresser’s car	Porsche
	Leggate refusal	To give a lift to a “slippy person”
	Aggressive	With Ian Leggate
	Mongoose multiplier		X2
			£10.50
James P	Arriving in kit
	Cob x 2		50p
	Going to work in kit
	Opening bowler no wicket		50p
	Arrogance	“Who needs a wicket when you’re this good?”
	Duck avoidance
	Failure to bring team home
	Being gay with Dave E	His housemate
	Harbouring dark thoughts
	Showing contempt	Arrogant sigh
	Smoke shield cob	Plume of fag smoke hiding his cob
	Happy in failure
	Impersonating Daniel Vettori
	Being touched	Looking a bit simple
	Not playing a shot	When out
	Cowardice
			£4.50
Moo	Impersonating a coke dealer
	Losing toss		50p
	Drop		50p
	Self entrapment
	Not bowling opening bowlers out
	Yips x 3	Whilst bowling	75p
	Being a legend	Having yips again
	Being shit	Getting carted whilst persisting with his bowling
	Failure to bring team home
	Happy in failure
	Steering ship in wrong direction
	Impersonating a Captain
	Letting game go	Allowing oppo chance to get over 200
			£4.25
Ian L	Duck avoidance
	Arriving with mum	She was driving
	Getting Sandra to do cooking	Cricket teas
	No paying attention	During Fines Committee
	Impersonating a slip fielder	When clearly inept
	Ball avoidance
	Drop		50p
	Impersonating a bowler x 2	Managed 6 ball over	50p
	Missing change over x 4	Between overs	£1.00
			£3.50
			£42.75

Special Rates

Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob	£1.00
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2

(...back )