Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

“2011 AGM”

Saturday 22^nd October 2011

Result: Drunk and bloated

Venue: Fir Tree (Oxford)

6.00pm+

Due to the club deciding that two piss ups were better than one, the AGM was brought forward to October this year to allow a later booze cruise in December. Yo ho ho!

£174.50 worth of shit in a bag.

This year’s event followed club pieman Ade Fisher to the Fir Tree on Iffley Road, and despite it’s cramped facilities, the evening was a huge success thanks to the participants and their generosity during Jake’s auction of ageing club kit (£174.50 was raised).

Without further ado, herewith the notes – or at least the ones that made it onto some form of paper….

‘Spam’

Minutes of the AGM

1

Apologies for absence:

Steve Dobner (emailed about not turning up)

Bovine Mascot (in a grump)

Richard Hadfield

Ben Mander

Tony Mander

Steve Parkinson

Dave Shorten (talked about turning up)

Present:

Matt Bullock (Chairman)

Andrew Darley (Social Secretary)

Dave Emerson (Director of Cricket))

Nick Hebbes (Director of Overseas Development)

Ian Howarth (Fixtures Secretary, Minutes)

Jake Hotson (T20 Captain, Auctioneer)

James Hoskins (Fantasy Chairman, Dogsbody)

Ian Leggate (Fines Chairman)

Mike Reeves (Treasurer)

Martin Westmoreland (Captain)

A 100% turn out of women players to have played this season.

Duck

Dan Edwards

Ade Fisher

Patrick Mellor

James Pearson

Chris Roberts

Thornton Smith

Sandra Steinhauer

Gareth Timms

2

Chairman’s Welcome:

Chairman Matt looks for divine intervention.

After calling for order following a drinks break to the pre-AGM drink, the Chairman thanked the team for continuing to play with “mad” spirit during a sometimes difficult season. The character of the team had shone through, and there were many notable successes to offset the mind-numbing failures.

3

Captain’s Report:

After a tumultuous third season at the helm, Martin began by thanking the team for sticking with it despite a quite a season of lows punctuated with a few highs – that despite this, the spirit of the team had shone through. Special praise for team members turning up each week, walking out to the middle and then walking back soon after. Certain stats were then trotted out proving that Martin had lost none of his numeric zeal after leaving his Treasurer’s post:

• We’ve played 35 games
• Scored over 4000 runs
• Hit 505 boundaries (474 fours and 31 sixes)
• Faced nearly 6000 balls
• Taken over 200 wickets
• Conceded nearly 5000 runs
• Caught 73 catches but probably dropped double that
• Ran 26 batsmen out
• Collected 72 ducks
• Won 9 and lost 26 matches

Amongst the skipper’s fondest memories from the season were:

• Having a winning record after the first 3 matches
• The non-existent tournament to witness Paddy’s face when the price of hot dogs were halved shortly after he’d bought one
• Pearson finally proving he can bat with a classy 71 at Wootton & Boars Hill
• Reevsie “cementing his place at the top of the order” with 29 at the Nomads and failing to better it for the rest of the season whilst collecting ducks
• Being skittled for 71 at the Fat Boys
• The Blenheim collapse (those involved know who they were)
• Snapping the 13 match losing streak against a bunch of OAPs
• The relief at Jake saying “yes” to skippering the T20s
• An excellent tour to Southsea including Spam’s Hernia Hundred, Gonzo’s last stand, and Wonky eventually waking up with the bat to bag 95
• The Bodleian game in the downpour where we snatched defeat from victory
• Reevsie’s 5-for at Astons
• Revenge against the Fat Boys whilst chasing down a record total

A mention of a few new players joining and some older ones returning, and also a few who just couldn’t be arsed. Only one world to sum up the season – MAD!

Gonzo’s champagne was not a product of that 35 run over.

Martin then closed his speech with a myriad of batting and bowling stats including the following:

• Four batting partnership position wickets fell (2^nd, 8^th, 9^th and 10^th)
• The most individual runs cored in a season is now 724 (I. Howarth)
• Paddy Mellor set a record for consecutive dismissals to run outs (5) – to quote Zamo from Grange Hill “just say NO!”
• Howarth passed 4,500 runs, D. Edwards and M. Westmoreland passed 2,500.
• James Hoskins is 16 short of 1,000 career runs, and 1 short of 200 wickets
• Duck records were shattered left right and centre
• Hoskins and Emerson broke the record for most wickets in a season – 38 and 35 respectively
• The most expensive over was recorded when Ian Leggate went for 35 at Longparish on tour

4

Treasurer’s Report:

Mr. Reeves began his speech on the welfare of the club by stating that the FFTMCC were solvent, but only just (an income of £3,038 offset by outgoings of £2,924). Mike was already prepared to run pettiness out of town and chase up any outstanding debts. There will be no quantitative easing, as there is no quantity to ease!

Mike is so tight as Treasurer – the players had to buy their own dinner….

Subs are to remain at £30, and match fees likewise at £5. T20 matches will see their fees increased to £5 – although there will be no fines for evening format. Extra revenue will hopefully be raised by a bastard Fines Chairman and the sponsorship of matches for Fantasy Cricket.

In summarising, Mike declared that actually playing games was bad for finances and hopes 2012 is a complete washout!

5

Season 2012:

• Looking into the crystal ball, the club hope to make use of the Folly Bridge and Fir Tree whenever home matches allow (sponsorship has been mooted).

• Details of nets and coaching will be posted when D. Emerson and A. Darley have had time to sort after the New Year. The club are keen to improve players where the players want to improve themselves.

“This guy can get a coach to improve my batting? Fuck off.”

• Martin will be ordering another round of merchandise in the New Year. Hoodies proved a spectacular success last term, whereas baggies were shite. Club whites have been mooted, but whatever the order – PLEASE SPECIFY YOUR SIZE! Failure to do so will leave you trying to clamber in apparel relating to “small”.

• The size of the Mad’s playing staff is considered to be such there is room for a few extra cricketers. The emphasis here is on “cricketers” – i.e people who have actually played the game since primary school days and know which end of a bat to hold. The doors are considered closed to the further acquirement of “enthusiastic non-cricketing” types, but the club will entertain whoever in times of dire emergency….

6

Tour 2012:

The Blue Beret will be an essential purchase before the 2012 tour.

Next year’s tour will encompass Great Yarmouth, Norfolk – whereby the club will seek to continue a friendship moulded this summer when hosting the Saxlingham Gents. I. Howarth and D. Emerson stepped up to the role of Tour Organisers (for this next year) and will keep the club up to date as details are rubber stamped.

7

Ethos of the Team:

Occasionally it is felt necessary for the Chairman to bring certain matters to the attention of the team, for the good of the team. Next year will see the beginning of the “Clean up the Club” campaign.

It is felt the team as a whole need to conduct themselves more responsibly on and off the pitch. A £10 fine is to be introduced for anyone caught drinking or smoking on the pitch. It is suggested that if a player feels the urge to do either during fielding that they seek the approval of the skipper and leave the field of play (whether they slip down the pecking order of being picked for subsequent matches is up to the Captain’s discretion).

“Ferrel underclasses” are to be targeted in the new campaign.

Language is regularly colourful, and whilst the club has no problems in general with that, it is felt it should be moderated and at least monitored around minors and the general public. The age of FFTMCC children is now such that some of the players have actually become role models (god help the world)….

Whilst the above measures may seem draconian in some quarters, they were universally accepted by those present, and that the changing rooms are for the sanctuary of players only! There are to be no children, women, dogs, cats, rabbits or prostitutes allowed in from this point onwards. The rooms represent the one place a player can let off steam (NB – please close the windows!)

8

Committee Member Elections:

There was no elected position for ‘Director of Run Outs’….

The following committee positions were as always up for re-election. The following results ensued:

• Chairman – Matt wishes to continue as Chairman, no contenders.

• Fixtures Secretary – Ian Howarth wishes to continue as Fixtures Secretary for 2013, unopposed.

• Treasurer – Mike Reeves wishes to continues in his role and is duly elected, unopposed.

• Captain – Martin wishes to continue as Captain, unopposed.

• T20 Captain – Jake Hotson wishes to continue in his capacity as the newly crowned Captain of the slogging of the game, unopposed. Please note – he is open to bribes or the financial benefit of the team to entertain ‘guest’ skippers on the day.

• Vice Captain – Jake Hotson and Steve Dobner will continue in the joint role, unopposed.

• Tour Organiser – Ian Howarth and Dave Emerson (coalition) are enlisted for the Tour of 2012. Jake Hotson and Thornton Smith (coalition) are elected for 2013.

• Fines Chairman – Paddy Mellor and Dave Emerson both contested the role, and both will brandish the gavel depending on availability due to an equal vote.

• Director of Cricket – Dave Emerson wishes to continue as The Director, unopposed.

• Director of Overseas Development – a three-way vote sees Sandra Steinhauer see off Bob and Nick for the post.

• Social Secretary – Dan Edwards is ushered into the role after the resignation of the incumbent Secretary Darley is laboured with a new family member, unopposed.

9

FFTMCC Awards:

Dave Emerson holds aloft Ian Howarth’s POTS award.

The following awards (with accompanying trophy) were voted for and the winners announced:

• Player Of The Season – Dave Emerson

• Most Improved Player – Jake Hotson

• Effort – Jake Hotson

• Champagne Moment – Ian Leggate’s amazing back-peddling boundary catch at Horspath sees off other contenders in D. Emerson’s first ball wicket v The Nomads; Martin’s steepling catch at Brasenose; Spam’s run out against the Bodleian; Lego’s winning six at Appleton; and JMO’s run out v Portchester.

• Stan’s Fantasy Cricket – James Pearson

Lesser, and a more humorous honour was awarded (for instances accrued over the course of the entire season):

• Duck Award – Gary Timms (8)

10

Any Other Business:

Anthony Mander is promoted to being recognised as an honouree “Patron” after many years bankrolling and playing for the club.

Apologies to Tony for the library footage.

A universally popular decision, it is hoped it encourages Tony to part with another King’s ransom for club coffers in the forthcoming years!

11

Last, but not least – a Club Auction:

Welcome to a world of LBW pain next season, James.

Over the years the team has acquired a shed load of cricket gear (read a boat load of shite) that is now largely redundant – save for equipment that Jake Hotson lugs around in multiple kit bags for each and every game. With the majority of players now owning their own kit, it was decided to offload an armoury of this “booty” in an auction to raise much needed collateral for club finances. A total of £174.50 was raised and some of the aforementioned gear (shite) is even considered useful. Many thanks to Jake for organising.

A list of some of the crap that found a new home.

*

POTS: D. Emerson’s runs and wickets

Champagne Moment: I. Leggate’s boundary catch

Best Effort: J. Hotson

Most Improved Player: J. Hotson

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