Far From The MCC
~ Est. in 1998 ~
Mad Museum
*
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An online page devoted to the exhibition,
and educational interpretation, of objects which have had significance to the
Far From The MCC, since they were formed back in 1998. |
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Boonies’ Toast - 2006
After a tiring net session
in 2006, OU Office star James Boon* found his
stomach didn’t agree with his pint. Bystanders were caught in the subsequent
projectile attack, and Andrew Darley kept his unfortunate piece of toast in
his garage fridge for posterity. * Further details can be
found in the Glossary. |
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Bovine Mascot - 2006
The battery powered Bovine
Mascot made his debut in 2006, and was intended to perform a celebratory
role every time Martin Westmoreland hoiked a ball
to cow corner. Its little dance routine involved the cow opening it’s coat and mooing a half a dozen times. Alas,
the repetitive nature of its vocal emissions, and the sheer volume of swipes
to cow by Martin, soon had the mascot banished to bottom of the team’s kit
bag. It’s still there of course, and occasionally it does venture out, but
only in a non-celebratory role. |
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Canterbury House, Sidmouth (B&B invoice) - 2010
During the fateful tour of Sidmouth in 2010, Mr. James Hoskins’ party (of six) were
served an invoice for their 3 day stay at the Canterbury House B&B; on
there was a now legendary charge for the urination of a bed. Further
to the charge was the below statement at the bottom of the invoice: **Please note that we are
reserving the right to make any further compensation claims, depending upon
what action (if any) needs to be taken to remove the urine smell from room 6,
ready for further letting immediately from the 15th August, and
any other consequential damage that may have been caused to the mattress. |
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Cheque (Royal Bank of Stogumber) - 2007
This huge cheque*, or
placard, was presented to Ian Howarth at the 2007 AGM for his winning of the Player
of the Season award. Thought lost, it recently turned up under his bed
beneath some hardened cat shit. * The flip flop hopefully denotes
the size. |
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Cidre Bouché - 2004
As an award for the Champagne
Moment of season 2005, Ian Howarth was presented with a bottle of French
Cider at the AGM. The bottle of Cidre Bouché (4.5%) still resides in the wall-mounted cupboard
of his kitchen, unopened to this day. Maybe he thought his maximum, which
sailed out of a cricket ground and rebounded back off a telegraph pole, was
slightly more deserving of a bottle of champagne, than a cheap imported
bottle of piss-weak French cider? |
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Duck - 2010
Nobody is quite sure where
Duck came into being, he just did – although |
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ECB Coaching Course
Certificate – Level 1 - 2002
Proof that some of the Far From The MCC are actually
qualified to ECB Level One coaching standards (J. Hoskins in particular). It
comes in very handy for instructing people in nets for exercises such as
smacking the ball at each other to throw over the stumps, and diving on mats
for catching practice. Note the certificate covered and stained by a red wine
spillage, which is very apt. |
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The “Fuck You You Fucking Fuck!” Sticker - 2005
The Fuck You You Fucking Fuck sticker was proudly
displayed by former Mad skipper
Ian Howarth on his bat in the game against Dorchester in 2005 (a gift from
his friend and team-mate Thornton Smith). It was silent sledging of such wit
and cleverness that, after a bad-tempered game which they lost by five
wickets, The Mad were never invited back, and never
wanted to go anyway. The sticker ended up in a mouldy old kit bag and was
eventually discovered by Ant Mann's 9-yr old son Zac
in their attic in Cricket Rd, and now resides on the inside cover of the
folder used by Ant to keep all his old cricket crap. |
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German First-Aid Kit - 2004
A classic first aid kit, as supplied by N. Hebbes, to
satisfy our first aid needs. The kit was only called upon once – for J. Hotson’s kettle injury in 2004, whence we realised that
the kit was in German; and not only did it fail to contain anything useful
for said emergency, but no-one knew what anything was for, because all the
documentation was in German! Very useful. |
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Gonzo’s Bog Seat - 2011
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Green Helmet - ?
For many years the players
of the Far From The MCC bemoaned the absence of a team helmet – particularly
when playing cricket on shit tracks such as Cowley Marshes or Cholsey. It was not that they did not possess a helmet,
it’s just that nobody quite knew where it had gone; they remembered it as
being green, and they remembered A. Mann had last used it – which he
strenuously denied. Fast forward to the dying embers of 2008, and whilst
clearing his house for his proposed move back down under, Antony would
discover the said green helmet nestling amongst other assorted crap in his
attic. So he did have it, and he had it all the time – lying bastard.
It now resides in |
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Gray-Nicholls Kit Bag - 2005+
Home to the club’s stinking
and decrepit kit for a period of time that nobody can quite remember, this
lot was flogged at the 2011 AGM’s Kit Auction to Club Chairman, Matt Bullock
for £22.00. It is presumed he was quite pissed at the time. |
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“Jude The Obscure” Fearnley Thigh Pad - 1998+
An artefact from the club’s
halcyon days in the presumed late 90’s – this moth eaten and discoloured
thigh pad was bought by Nick Hebbes in a Club Auction (£6.00) at the 2011
AGM. It had resided in a multitude of club kit bags over the years without
anyone remembering actually using it – save maybe to use as a head rest to
enable better sleeping patterns during one of G. Carter’s pulsating innings. |
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The Tour “Juke Box” - 2003 / 2004
The tour juke box from the 2003 / 2004 Mad cricket
tours, whereby N. Hebbes had the great idea of us all going onto the pitch to
bat to the sound of our own theme tune. Said box was bought when we
realised that, although we had the tunes for people sorted out, no-one had
anything to play the CD on. Good idea in theory, but nobody seems to remember
any of theme tunes being played, although it was used to listen to proper
cricket matches on Live 5 while we were collapsing. |
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D. Edward’s “Kuckaburra Woodworm bat” - 2003
Back in the day, before D.
Edwards fled the sinking ship which was the |
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Louth Changing Room Placard - 2009
On the tour of Louth in
2009, the changing rooms of the recently opened |
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Newbery - 2005+
Another lot from the Kit
Auction of the 2011 AGM, these right handed pads were won by |
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“Penguins Stopped Play” Hardback
Book - ?
Another lot which was
flogged during an auction at the 2011 AGM, Harry Thompson’s “PSP” had somehow
found it’s way to the bottom of one of the club’s numerous
kit bags. Still in relatively decent condition, it was signed by all team members
present on the night and sold to Dave |
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Platypus Speed Sensor Ball - 2006
This cricketing oddity, a
garish orange Speed Sensor Ball, made it’s debut back in 2006 after
James Hoskins* became obsessed with finding out how quick members of the team
were bowling, and how hard they were hitting the ball. It was definitely an
intriguing item, but when J. Hotson was clocked bowling sharper than Waqar Younis at nets, it was
relegated to the depths of the kit bag never to be taken seriously again. * - he later purchased a
Speed Gun (which was subsequently sold) |
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Sainsbury’s Gift Vouchers - 2008+
Since Dave Emerson’s
inception into the team in 2008, the members of the Far From The MCC have
been finding Sainbury’s gift vouchers at nearly
every event or match they have participated in. Dave, ever the man to forget
to call at a cashpoint prior to a game, deals out
these vouchers as payment for his round at the bar, or even his match fees. A
whole bundle of these orange tenners funded much of
the barbeque for the Tri-game tournament at |
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- 2011
Discovered in one of the
18,568 charity shops frequented by T. Smith in 2011, what on first
appearances looked like a piece of driftwood turned out to be a highly prized
“Screaming Cat” cricket bat. Hand-made in |
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Tesco Badge - 2003?
For years, the players of
the Far From The MCC found endless material to joke about relating to Steve Dobner’s employment at corporate behemoth Tesco’s. Scarcely a day past by without someone grumbling
or joking at him about food prices, poorly stocked shelves, and inadequate
staffing and customer service. When Steve eventually bit the bullet and left
the company (to save pole axing his boss), he left his name badge behind at a
Mad poker evening. This prized possession now resides in |
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The Far From The MCC “Top
Trumps” - 2009
As a special surprise for
the participants of the end of year 2009 AGM, Ian Leggate and James Hoskins
engineered a pack of Top Trump cards based on players past and present who
have represented the team. The cards were a roaring success on the night,
even if players are still arguing to this day about their “Drinking Ability” and
“Self Importance” ratings. |
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- 2009
Since the Mad formed a
friendship and rivalry with Blenheim Park CC back in 2008, the team have been
receiving free entry passes for the date of that game ever since. This
specimen is from 2009, and is no doubt a copy of a copy of a copy, which
would have made it’s way to family members, relations of, friends of, dogs, cats
and budgies, and generally anyone else who knew a member of the Mad
and fancied a day out at Blenheim Palace in the Oxford summer. |
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Unused “Wembley Ticket” - 2010
Having publicly criticised
his team mates for never leaving their cosy surroundings in Oxfordshire,
Steve Dobner suggested he’d organise a trip to |
