Far From The MCC

~ Est. in 1998 ~

 

 

Reasonably Present Players

 

*

 

 

 

 

(...back )

 

 

*

 

Name:

Matt Bullock

Nicknames:

Warnie,  Beer Matt

 

Attributes:

RH Wicketkeeper batsman,  Looping leg spin

 

HS:

39

BB:

3 - 22

Debut:

1998

 

 

 

Matt is the only remaining team member from 1998, the Mad’s first year in existence albeit in those days under a different name, which means that the other guy has now left. Matt is the chairman of the club, and he is also the chairman of CAMRA; which means Matt likes chairs a lot. Which is good in a way, as he spends the majority of Mad innings either sat down waiting to bat, sat down having just batted (briefly), or sat down scoring. So that’s a lot of sitting – usually on chairs. Fortunately for Matt, the Mad’s bowling is usually wank, and so he gets to fling himself around behind the stumps, before sitting down once again for tea or a well earned drink afterwards.

 

In 2009, Matt’s appearances were limited due to his commitment to drinking and watching his beloved West Bromwich Albion get relegated. As a result he never really found much form with the bat, although he did offer some solid keeping at times, and some robust drinking.

 

Matt has the most unreliable sports car (TVR)  in the world.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Geoff Carter

Nickname:

Wood Boy

 

Attributes:

RH Wicketkeeping painstaking middle-order bat

 

HS:

29

BB:

-

Debut:

2005

 

 

 

Geoff is a quirky and affable fellow, who enjoys splitting his time between wood and woodwork. When he’s not busy with oak, pine or MDF, he’s busy trying to locate his van and motorbike which are regularly stolen by pikeys.

 

Geoff only played a handful of games in 2009, as he juggled his weekends playing cricket for the Mad and some other team. After also guesting for Old East Oxford, the curtain came down on Geoff’s season after he busted his leg. When Geoff did turn out for the Mad, the rest of team benefitted from some much needed sleep - as he plodded along out in the middle, oblivious to slow hand-claps and cries for someone to shoot him as the overs drifted by. A wry and comic turn in the bar, we hope to see more of him this year.

 

Geoff’s batting makes Geoff Boycott look flambuoyant.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Mike Clarke

Nickname:

Billy Liar,  Clarkey

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order bat,  Military medium bowling

 

HS:

61

BB:

1 - 9

Debut:

2004

 

 

 

After bursting onto the scene in spectacular fashion whilst on tour in 2004, a masterful and exciting innings of 61 against Watchet CC, Mike has inevitably failed to live up to the great expectations. He also fails to turn up at all sometimes, preferring the company of ladies from China, Thailand, Hong Kong, Russia and Spain, rather than turn out with his mates on a Sunday. He always says he’s teaching, but teaching what exactly, Mike? You lying bast….

 

Mike never quite ignited last year, and after lying about retiring after continued poor form, his frustrating season came to a conclusion on the Duke’s lawn at Blenheim, when he was carried off the pitch after rupturing his cruciate knee ligaments bowling some Cantonese pie. It could well be, he wasn’t actually injured that day at all – maybe he just wanted to get away early and stuff some posh totty at the local pub? Who knows, eh? Lying bast….

 

Mike makes talking shit an art form.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Jenner Collins

Nickname:

Fuckin’ Aussie

 

Attributes:

RH Top order bat,  Leg-spin bowling

 

HS:

102

BB:

1 - 39

Debut:

2008

 

 

 

Jenner represents the first mercenary overseas cricketer that the Far From The MCC have procured. Having tasted the Madness in 2008, Jenner returned in 2010 to slaughter a hapless Blenheim bowling attack all over Mansfield Road, on his way to thunderous hundred.

 

An engaging and likeable fellow, Jenner’s sometimes steely eyes betray the hard Australian competitive streak within. His private life is still a mystery, but it shouldn’t be too long before the team get him twatted and learn about his demons.  

 

Jenner can give the ball a right fucking slap.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Andrew Darley

Nickname:

Del Boy,  Salvador

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order tonker,  Brisk medium pace bowling

 

HS:

52

BB:

2 - 14

Debut:

2008

 

 

 

Andrew was poached from the now defunct OU Office Sunday team during the fall of 2008. The Mad went through lengthy contractual negotiations in securing his signature, in the hope he could add spice to their toothless bowling attack, potency to their agricultural batting division, and a pin-up face for their merchandising department.

 

By the end of last year, the Mad were in lengthy contractual negotiations in securing a hypnotherapist for Mr. Darley. His season had nosedived after he found a hole in the centre of his bat, and despite the odd flash of form with his bowling, his head and confidence had flown the kit-bag like a mouldy sock. Better news – he became a dad at Xmas, so maybe taking his mind off his game might restore this guy’s swagger? The Mad hope so, because Andrew is a great asset when he’s not experiencing mental oblivion.

 

Darley has more cricketing demons than Marcus Trescothick.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Steve Dobner

Nickname:

Twinkle,  Easy Tiger

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order bat,  Measly medium pace bowling

 

HS:

84

BB:

4 - 9

Debut:

2001

 

 

 

Steve represents one half of the Mad’s Barrow Boy stable, and since his abdication in the role of senior shop-filling assistant in Tesco’s, has found his quarter dossing at home watching Virgin sports channels whilst his wife earns the necessaries to put the bread on the table.

 

2009 was an excellent cricketing year for Steve, and even if it wasn’t, it’s probably a good idea to tell him it was or he’ll most likely enquire as to whether it’s worth discussing the point in a nearby car park. His ascension up the batting order allowed our Barrow Boy the extra time to construct his innings – some of which he was still constructing after the innings had finished; but it was with his bowling that he won the plaudits. Steve returned over 20 wickets for the season, and not once did he follow through and ask a batsman if he wanted to sort any issues out in a car park.

 

Steve likes car parks, and discussing politics with Joe Organ.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Dan Edwards

Nickname:

Spellcaster,  Danny Boy

 

Attributes:

RH Resolute opening bat,  Crazy windmill-like spin bowling

 

HS:

103*

BB:

4 - 23

Debut:

2005

 

 

 

Dan is the Mad’s ever reliable run-machine; and when he’s not batting, he’s thinking about batting. Even when he’s cutting down trees and hedgerows at work, he’s practicing his pulls and cover drives with his chainsaw. Life would be so much simpler for Dan if people would stop making such unreasonable demands on his cricketing time, and just agree that cricket is life.

 

Dan gorged on bowling throughout last year, and even had the audacity to retire satisfied during numerous Twenty20 games. His solid and watertight defenses were seldom breached, and as the season came to a finale in mid-September, he’d netted close to 700 runs for the season. If you add to that total, the total number of runs he saw scored on television, other village pitches, and on his iPhone, then we’re looking at the first man to pass the magical 100,000 runs in a calendar year. Amazing stuff.

 

Dan loves a good cob, and owns a fat smelly black puppy.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Dave Emerson

Nickname:

Diamond,  Prog Rock

 

Attributes:

RH Lower middle-order hitter,  Rhythmic medium pace bowler

 

HS:

36*

BB:

5 - 25

Debut:

2008

 

 

 

Dave is another refugee from the now defunct Sunday OU Office ensemble, whose decision to join the ranks of the Far From The MCC was ratified after he gleaned that most of the squad were pissheads. A New Zealander by birth, Dave can be found serenading women on the Cowley Road most weekends, demonstrating his own take on the Haka whilst balancing a barrel of cider on his head. 

 

Dave made a big impact in 2009, not only providing a dependable opening bowler (when not too pissed), but also boosting bar profits at every ground he graced. Memorable contributions included an excellent 5-for against Old East Oxford, and an inebriated and comatose sideshow at Cholsey. Big things are expected from Dave in 2009, and rumour has it, he’s going to try batting on the odd occasion without soaking his brain in alcohol. 

 

Dave has a wonderful alcoholic glow, and only one key on his key ring.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Ade Fisher

Nickname:

Crash,  Father Chem

 

Attributes:

RH Lower-order tonker,  The Guru of Pie bowling

 

HS:

41

BB:

5 - 15

Debut:

2000

 

 

 

Ade has been a part of Mad folklore for many years, some of which he even participated in some cricket. An ex-mental health worker, Ade now enjoys pulling pints at most the pubs in Oxford, sometimes he’s even on the right side of the bar. An intelligent and opinionated fellow, Ade amuses all with his witticisms and sarcastic observations. Even when he’s totally wrong, he’s never actually wrong.

 

Ade is famous throughout Oxfordshire for his own brand of pie-chucking. In fact, many a keen advocate of the game now regard him as THE Guru of Pie. So tantalising is the Fisher repertoire, that many a bakery has been heard enquiring as to the actual ingredients therein. Not everyone is a fan of Ade’s bowling however, or success for that matter – Antony Mann in particular, was regularly quoted as saying he couldn’t comprehend how “shit fucking bowling gets so many fucking wickets”. Quite.

 

Ade is always right, and corrects people who talk shit.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Richard Hadfield

Nickname:

Lord Lucan,  Dips

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order bat,  Slow loopy off-break bowling

 

HS:

72

BB:

1 - 10

Debut:

2000

 

 

 

After a now famous six year absence, Richard finally returned for a duck in 2006. Proving it was no fluke, he missed out by only one run in his next innings at the start of 2007. Nobody really knows where the hell he’s been, or where the hell he’s going, or actually, who the hell he really is…? But the genial and clever guy who does turn up under Richard’s name (occasionally), slots very nicely into the Mad ranks.

 

Richard was last seen at Blenheim Palace in the summer of 2009, hitting a spirited little cameo with the bat, and taking an award-winning, back-peddling catch in the deep, whilst pirouetting in the air to avoid smashing his glasses under his arse. After the match Richard duly disappeared with the Duke of Marlborough for some cream and scones, only adding fuel to the fire that he could actually be Lord Lucan.

 

Richard doesn’t really exist.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Brad Harsant

Nickname:

Bradders

 

Attributes:

RH Confused lower order bat

 

HS:

4

BB:

-

Debut:

2009

 

 

 

We don't yet know much about Brad, apart from the fact he can't speak Spanish. He may well actually be living in Spain right now, because we can't get hold of him, but he might turn up for the odd game in 2010 so we will keep him on the Present Players list. Brad is an electrician - maybe he should be playing for R. T. Harris? His contribution with bat and ball last year, whilst minimal, had an individualistic appearance.

 

We are hoping that the electrical business picks up over the next few months so Brad can invest in a set of cricket whites; and even if he doesn’t buy any of his own kit, then maybe he can volunteer to lump the team’s kit bag(s) around Oxfordshire as way of recompense?

 

Brad plays cricket in shorts.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Nick Hebbes

Nickname:

Titanick

 

Attributes:

RH Top order bat,  Medium pace trundler

 

HS:

62

BB:

4 - 17

Debut:

2003

 

 

 

Nick was one of a clutch of new faces that breathed life into the Mad back in 2003. A tirelessly happy individual, his consistently upbeat personality is sometimes in stark contrast to that of his pessimistic and downtrodden team mates. Ever the joker, he’s usually at the fore of things on tour, annoying everyone with visual jokes, insane happiness, and stupid singing plastic swords.

 

Nick was absent for much of last year due to juggling his duties as a new dad, and selling dodgy car parts around Eastern Europe. When he did play, he was largely anonymous, but the portents are good after he signed off on tour with a lovely innings of 48. It is hoped Nick can push on this year with his undoubted talents with bat and ball, otherwise he may as well sit on the subs bench and help the Dobner’s make the teas.

 

Nick has sexual fantasies about fennels.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

James Hoskins

Nickname:

J-MO,  Stan,  Pugwash

 

Attributes:

RH Spirited lower order bat,  Wily off-spin / pie bowling

 

HS:

41*

BB:

4 - 24

Debut:

1999

 

 

 

James is one of the core members of the Mad since being discovered one day in 1999, as he sat pissed by the boundary, drinking Stella. Since that day, he has thrown his hat into the ring for just about every role going at the club, and serving as general dogsbody. An eternally optimistic chap, his oft childlike humour and exuberance brings light into the darkened catacombs of many of his world-weary team mates.

 

2009 was the year that James became the ‘Best Bowler The Mad Has Ever Had’. He netted a record 33 wickets as he slipped through the gears with his mesmerising repertoire of pie – bamboozling batsmen with their delicious pasrty exteriors. James also smashed another record, bagging his 6th career golden duck as he aimed to become the ‘Worst Number 11 Batsman The Mad Has Ever Had’. James has subsequently been ran over in the post-season, in what has subsequently been described as the ‘Worst Car Accident The Mad Has Ever Known’, and thus we hope his body mends some time soon, so the team look forward to experiencing this year’s award winning pies.

 

James likes cleaning his iPhone in the washing machine.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Jake Hotson

Nickname:

Judge Dredd,  Tea Time

 

Attributes:

RH Wicketkeeper batsman,  Banned from bowling

 

HS:

23

BB:

5 - 28

Debut:

2000

 

 

 

A quiet and reflective chap, Jake is one of the older members of the club having debuted back in 2000. His calm and affable nature belying a true monster when it comes to sleeping. Jake averages well over 16 hours of sleep a day, unless it’s a Bank Holiday, whereby he puts in an extra shift. Jake’s form with the bat would no doubt be helped enormously if he ever made nets, but even an early afternoon start these days can’t ever tempt him out from under his duvet.

 

Jake found his niche in the team in 2009, donning the keeper’s gloves and impressing all that he managed to stay awake through a whole opposition innings. He never actually used his gloves, preferring instead to use every inch of his anatomy to stop the ball. His batting still frustrates, but his drinking prowess remains undimmed – being a reliable performer at the bar before, during and after each match.

 

Jake is legendary for playing with kettles when pissed.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Ian Howarth

Nickname:

Spam,  Tiny

 

Attributes:

RH Top order bat,  Erratic medium pace bowling

 

HS:

112

BB:

5 - 5

Debut:

2003

 

 

 

Spam by name Spam by nature, there isn't a day goes by without an irrelevant email flying through the ether from Ian. Usually involving some diatribe about the non-Englishness of English Cricketers, or an amusing tale of how unlucky he is. Spam has to be regularly hassled to get off his arse to do anything for the Club. He is solely responsible for the website being so crap, and the Fixture list for 2010 being completely empty. He always wants everyone else to do the work, proven by the cry from the Timberscombe crease on tour in 2005 "Don't worry guys, I'll do fucking everything!"

 

Ian is the Club's Kevin Pietersen, but without the ego. A stylish fluent batsman, but constantly falling one short of a truly magnificent innings - quite possibly ‘The Most Underperforming Batsman The Mad Has Ever Had’. Being an artist of many varieties, in 2010 Ian is allegedly venturing into a new project of creating a ‘Year in the Life of the MAD’ on video... to quote "hahahahaha".

 

Spam likes swearing, and is Jonah when it comes to betting.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Ian Leggate

Nickname:

Gonzo,  Shooz

 

Attributes:

RH Lower order bat,  Erratic leg-spin / pie bowler

 

HS:

31*

BB:

5 - 40

Debut:

2008

 

 

 

Ian is now a stalwart follower of Mad ethos to the point no-one can doubt his suitability. Surely the only leg spinner to have salsa danced while pissed with Claire Taylor of the National Ladies team. If he can drag himself out of skips on an early Saturday morning he will be found bamboozling the opposition with tantalizing deliveries dropping in from near orbit. He talks the best game of cricket and endeavors to improve his spinning deliveries by studying Shane Warne master class videos in his spare time.

 

Ian is also a record holder to boot, borne about by the infamous 14 ball over during the 2009 tour, but handy for sure - joining the ranks of Mad bowlers with five wicket hauls. Such is his dedication to the sport he is a proud owner of Runners Monthly magazine, in an attempt to reduce the number of his run outs in 2010.

 

Ian likes dancing, and sleeping in skips after a night out.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Gary Littlechild

Nickname:

Goldenchild,  Neo

 

Attributes:

RH Wicketkeeper batsman,  Tidy medium pace bowling

 

HS:

117*

BB:

1 - 6

Debut:

2005

 

 

 

Perhaps the most technically gifted of all the Mad players who have represented the club over the years, Gary brought an air of keen professionalism to the ranks when he first debuted in 2005. Who can ever forget his swashbuckling 117 not out against Hanney CC on what was a turd of pitch? And who can forget his flare-ups with every square leg umpire who has ever had the misfortune to officiate a match where Gary has minded the stumps? He is the consummate cricketer, a role model for our kids, a teacher by trade, and the team look solid with his presence.

 

Gary only managed the one game in 2009, and the man in the cloth cap with his two dogs left home in tears after his early dismissal. He bowled a bit, and naturally was like a duck to water. We miss your needle Gary, abandon your wife and kids, and travel from Essex more regularly to help us out, eh?

 

Gary loves a good cob, and also has a worrying dislike of square leg umpires.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Ben Mander

Nickname:

Iron Hands

 

Attributes:

RH Lower order tonker,  Erratic leg-spin / pie bowling

 

HS:

29

BB:

4 - 31

Debut:

1999

 

 

 

Ben seems to have been a part of the club for ages, and strangely enough he has. He’s still one of the younger guys in the team, but that’s because the rest of the team are comprised of old fuckers. Ben, a slightly nomadic character, always brings a slightly naive charm to the team, steadfastly refusing to adapt his half-a-pace run up to the wicket to bowl his leggies, or move his feet when batting so he can hoik the ball over cow corner. Stick to what you know, Ben – don’t let those cricket coaches grind you down!

 

Energetic in the field and bar, we look forward in earnest to some of Ben’s company this summer, if only to bolster our claim that the team doesn’t consist solely of a bunch of old fuckers.

 

Ben is more accident prone than Mr. Bump.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Tony Mander

Nickname:

Doc

 

Attributes:

RH Lower order nurdler,  Looping pie bowling

 

HS:

34

BB:

2 - 10

Debut:

1999

 

 

 

Although sadly not seen on the field of dreams regularly in recent Seasons, Tony is a much respected member within Mad ranks. Often drawn into action as team Doctor everyone feels somewhat safer when Tony is on the boundary. As a member of Lords’, he is solely responsible for the distribution of the Club’s History book into the higher echelons of society. Inventor of the nurdle, and a mean slip fielder to boot, Tony’s skills on the cricket pitch are not to be under estimated, nor his ability to bring an air of civilization to the Sunday afternoon rants.

 

Tony is still going strong, and still hates fines.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Patrick Mellor

Nickname:

KFC,  Paddy

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order tonker,  Pie chucker

 

HS:

34

BB:

-

Debut:

2010

 

 

 

Patrick is a new recruit to the Far From The MCC having established himself in the pub as a venerable performer. A man of genial wit, his warmth and charisma have made him immediately popular with the pissheads in the team.

 

In his few matches for the club, Paddy has demonstrated a good eye for the ball, and an even better eye for the bar. For a man of ample spread, his agility between the wickets is perhaps a little lacking, only getting worse as his innings goes on.

 

Patrick falls apart when confronted by the Fines Committee.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Andrew Morley

Nickname:

Morlers,  Casper

 

Attributes:

RH Lower order tonker 

 

HS:

27

BB:

1 - 15

Debut:

2000

 

 

 

Andrew is the resident poet of the team and we are waiting with anticipation of his master work – ‘An Ode To Super Strength Lager’. He doesn’t bother with nets. He isn’t that bothered with cricket, but Morlers’ contribution to the team runs deep. Surprisingly sprightly in the field and surprisingly active with the bat in recent years, Andrew is full of surprises. Perhaps his most amazing talent is the ability to vaporize his human form enabling the ball to miraculously pass straight through him when fielding close in. If you’ve never seen a cricket ball pass through human flesh you should come along and witness the spectacle.

 

Andrew could drink Oliver Reed under the table.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Stephen Parkinson

Nickname:

Mincer

 

Attributes:

RH Lower middle order bat,  Tidy medium pace bowler 

 

HS:

39

BB:

4 - 31

Debut:

2006

 

 

 

Known as the Mincer due to his extended mincing run up whilst bowling, Parkinson the Northern hypochondriac is a living paradox. An outstanding gentlemanly exterior fights the yob within, or is it the other way around? As tour organiser 2009 Steve excelled in his Jekyll and Hyde behaviour, combining playing the most sincere polite host to all opposition with hooligan heckling from the pavilion balcony berating our bowlers.

 

Parkinson's ties with the high society are clear however, managing to secure the attendance of the England Ladies Team to witness our Touring behaviour and arranging a fancy ball in our honour - if only he had told us it was a black tie and not a flowery shorts do…. Despite being forced into the depths of the frozen North to find a decent lass, Steve still manages to keep up with Club gossip over the internet, taking every opportunity to correct grammatical Latin errors, or incorrect references to French History.

 

Steve likes beating muggers up, and chasing them into the Thames.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

James Pearson

Nickname:

Fattori,  JP

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order bat,  Handy medium pace bowler 

 

HS:

31*

BB:

3 - 31

Debut:

2010

 

 

 

Another recent acquisition to the team, James brought a talented and youthful swagger to the side; probably on account of him being less than 35 years old. Lackadaisical in his approach, his calm and wry personality has brought another dimension to the club’s much lauded Moaning Department.

 

A clever seam bowler, James’ consistency with the ball is only matched by his undoubted skills in the aforementioned moaning. He has also impressed with the bat, protecting his average at all costs with a succession of not outs.

 

James moans about his remote control having too many buttons.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Mike Reeves

Nickname:

Cloughie

 

Attributes:

LH Top order bat,  Left-arm medium pace bowler 

 

HS:

85

BB:

5 - 29

Debut:

2006

 

 

 

Nobody mentions that Mike used to play for the Marlborough House any more, so he must now also be considered a genuine MADster. Nobody comments on the size of his head any more either. That is because at the beginning of the 2009 season Mike lost about two thirds of his bodyweight while cycling across America and as such, is smaller all round. He has decided to take on the mantle of Finance Dude in 2010 – a role that he should be well suited to, given that he usually collects all the monies after winning any darts, pool, or drinking competitions. He is well remembered for a cob of significant proportions during the tour of 2009 while on Captaining duty he seriously believed the team would be happy batting wherever they were placed in the order. Other than that, Mike exudes a sense of realism.

 

Challenged to a bicycle race, Mike could whupp Lance Armstrong’s ass.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Chris Roberts

Nickname:

Tall Bob,  Easy Bob

 

Attributes:

RH Lower order tonker,  Right-arm trundler 

 

HS:

11

BB:

1 - 19

Debut:

2010

 

 

 

Chris was pouched by the Mad after he impressed at pre-season nets by casting a longer shadow than anybody else. Tall and languid, Bob spends the majority of his time with his head in the clouds (ahem). A quiet and approachable fellow, his team mates await the inner cob when Bob get’s wankered on tour and tells us all what a bunch of pricks we are.

 

In his short time with the club, Bob has proven you can play the majority of the game using only one quadrant of the pitch. He loves tonking the ball to cow, and he sees a fair amount of his bowling tonked to cow. Maybe he should invest in a farm?

 

Bob is a serial killer who represses his inner cob.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Dave Shorten

Nickname:

Lego,  Hang Time

 

Attributes:

RH Lower middle order hitter,  Nippy medium pace swing bowler 

 

HS:

42

BB:

3 - 8

Debut:

2006

 

 

 

Dave is the only Mad member to own their own Wood and holds the record for the longest time taken to write a Match Report. For some reason he thinks we will let him forget about this eventually. Dave’s latest contribution to Mad history was to start an off season five-a-side football team. This was met with much enthusiasm and was a remarkable success with the team ending on a goal difference after 9 matches of only -98.

 

Dave does wholesome things in life, like eating real honey, holding wood clearing parties, eating fennel, climbing mountains, learning how to run properly and as such has been selected for a BBC reality TV programme to show how wholesome people live. Needless to say the cameras have never shown up at a MAD event to see what he gets up to there.

 

Dave built his own house.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Thornton Smith

Nickname:

Flash

 

Attributes:

RH Middle order hitter,  Handy but erratic off-spin bowler 

 

HS:

65

BB:

3 - 12

Debut:

2001

 

 

 

Thorn epitomizes what this Club is all about. He is a loyal and trustworthy friend – a great man in a tight corner, and would do anything for you in times of need. At the same time he realises that is no reason to be spared from essential piss taking at every opportunity. He is a man of many business enterprises specialising in all things wood, from fencing to cabinet making. Garden maintenance, interior decorating, tree surgery, shelving, door hanging – he’ll turn his hand to pretty much anything. Such is his diversity that he can’t decide what to get written on the side of his new van as his mainstay occupation.

 

Thorn always seems to have a rocky ride when it comes to talking to banks, or mobile phone providers, but loves to tell the tales of despair reciting each conversation many times with ever increasing amounts of vitriol. Thorn’s speciality on the cricket pitch is the one handed catch – not for poser’s sake, but because his other hand usually has either a can of Stella or a roll-up in it.

 

Thorn likes interrupting and talking over people.

 

 

 

*

 

Name:

Martin Westmoreland

Nickname:

Moo

 

Attributes:

Top order bat,  Erratic medium pace bowler 

 

HS:

109*

BB:

4 - 22

Debut:

2003

 

 

 

Martin is not afraid of responsibility. Nor returning to the MAD in 2010 for another gruelling year as Club Captain. He has also taken sole responsibility for raising the youth aspect of the team, with those all around him sprouting girls he has produced a couple of leg spinners and sloggers to boot. He was also responsible enough to run the Clubs Finances for a number of years, guiding us safely through a gruelling recession. Everyone claims that Martin has some sort of magnetic influence on the cricket ball while in the field, as he always seems to be in the right place to pouch the catches. The truth is of course that Martin covers about two thirds of the pitch with his enthusiastic fielding technique, whilst paying attention to every ball when being struck by the opposing batsman. This is not a common trait amongst MAD players, but most MAD players aren't that responsible.

 

Martin now owns the copyright to the word “yips”.

 

 

 

 

 

(...back )